Have moved desk recently to the left hand corner of the office have wanted this window seat for ages for about the last five years
all Hannibal Lecter wanted was a cell with a window and since the person who used to sit here retired through ill health it became vacant hence why i am now here.

Bought REM greatest hits yesterday from Zavvi for £4.00 remember listening to losing my religion for the first time years ago and it got me hooked . i keep getting the urge for some reason to buy some Beatles and Rollin Stones Cd's so far i have not but for some reason its in the back of my head.

For tea last night Helen cooked chicken breast in mango and sweet chili sauce with sweetcorn and peas with new potatoes , followed by home made egg custard which i have never had before but got to admit i did enjoy it.

Helen mentioned that by the time i get home at nine o clock each night that's Monday to Friday we only see each other in effect for three hours , that's if we go to bed at midnight which is never the case.

But she is with me every minute of every hour throughout the day , i look at her picture on my desk constantly i have her on my pc i have her on my pen drive i must get a picture for my wallet i have photos of her and us on my phone .

Even when i walk into town and pass shops and bars and restaurants we have eaten in drank in and shops we have bought from , she is with me ,when i am driving in my car she is at my side when i listen to Galaxy radio and every text message i receive and send , along every picture message we send to each other her essence is with me and every time i write this blog or she reads it she is with me and i with her.

I sleep next to her and wake up with her every night and every morning , i work the hours i do so i can be with the person i love the most its the price at this
time , that i have to pay and i am more willing to do it because needs must , but i do miss her physical presence but she touches my heart soul and my inner karma and is in my mind and thoughts 24/7 where ever i am and what ever i am doing she is there .

But must of all every time we send each other 831 which equates to 8 letters , three words , 1 meaning .... i love you.

Just been online to Starbucks web site why does a coffee shop sell bloody tea for , mind you pubs now sell coffee and the like but one thing Starbucks don't sell is milk shakes which i got told they did lol ........................

Got caught signing in and out at the same time at work on my five to nine shift , got to be a good lad now at least for a while anyway i got away with it for a good three months , i was only leaving slightly early but ever minute helps when you cant wait to get home to see the most loveliest woman in the world waiting there there when i walk through the door .

Thought i was going to get my arse kicked got a text from Helen over something she had read on this blog thankfully she was joking with me , she is so funny she has me in stitches.

Got the virgin broadband stater kit it arrived Monday yesterday we got the pin number we should have had a start up cd it was in the list of contents but not in the box phoned Virgin been told we don't need it yet cannot connect to the Internet once i had set the modem up as the instructions said page not loading its dead. when i rung them i now find out that i cant activate my modem till after the 6th of April waited this long.


Helen cooked the duck we bought Saturday night for tea last night we had it with hoisin sauce noodles and stir fried vegs, mushrooms , onions was gorgeous she had shredded the duck once it had cooked and she served it up with prawn crackers i bought two bottles of pear cider which we had with the meal posh or wot the duck did not die in vain .The rabbit is next ..................o/j

A Angel now reads this blog so i better be careful what i write as i don't want to offend her or she will slap my arse , she is more than likely Reading it as i type this hehe............... love you lady.

Yesterday i went to work after saying goodbye to Helen i got to work and i couldn't think so i left work just after ten and drove over to Roundhay Park to chill out and get my head together.
whilst i was heading round the big lake i was thinking off the time we had been together what we had done the place we have lived at for three days the only place we had to live was at the travel lodge in Leeds city centre the apartment at Clarence dock we moved into on the 21st of December 2007 .

I called Helen or she called me i cant remember and i told her what i was going through she told me to return home which i did i got back just before twelve , she was doing all the ironing which had piled up including all my stuff as well she stopped to make me a drink and sandwich , we talked cried and hugged all afternoon she told me she loved me again and that she wouldn't forget me and would return at some point , at four thirty i left for work at the Hospital she asked if i would call her once i arrived so she know i had got there OK ,this i did she later text me saying not to ring or text she was speaking to her husband over at her house. i knew she was not coming back and i knew i had to be brave and carry on as best as i could.

So i made plans in my head to go home go for a walk bring the rabbit back inside we had just put him out the day before in the garden.... then to cook tea shower and go to bed this was at five thirty and at 8:18 pm i received a text of Helen she never made the house after i left for work she couldn't leave she asked her husband to cal to visit her instead and basically she has stayed with me as she loves me and cant leave me i rang her to double check i had understood the message correctly and check where she was she assured me she was with me and wasn't going back home was in with me i felt i had won the lottery i was happy , glad buzzing and had tears in my eyes.

I drove home where she was cooking a curry for tea i held her, kissed her , hugged her and told her how much i did love her and that i will never leave her or cheat on her that i would never do anything to jeopardise what she has given up to be with me and that i will keep my promise till the day i die and i know i will as i love her too much to do anything else. ALL I WANT IS YOU..


I am playing for keeps everything i want and need in a woman she fulfills ten times over and more she is not replaceable no one even comes close in a room full of beautiful woman she shines i would only have eyes for her .For some reason all issues anything that occurs and usually anything bad that's going to happen or has happened has always been on a Monday , Bob Geldoff just might have had a valid point.........

FRIDAY

Helen's son stayed over for the very first time Friday night i picked them both up from her mums house after i finished work , seemed to go ok he spoke to me and genuinely seemed to accept the situation and it was not as awkward as i thought it would be, Helen was chuffed and she slept with him in the spare bedroom.

SATURDAY

Finished work at one o clock to meet my daughter , to give her some money i had been promising her and she bought herself a firetrap jacket and a pair sunglasses

Saturday night went to the Phoenix rugby club at Bramley for Jenny's 21st birthday party Helen's mother and father was there and Sharon Helen's cousin whom i meet for the first time pity clocks the clocks moved forward an hour had about three hours sleep who wants to go to sleep when your with such a gorgeous lady as Helen.

SUNDAY

Finished work at three went home made Sunday dinner we cooked a joint of pork with sweet potatoes parsnips done in maple syrup butter squash and potatoes done with garlic butter.

Went to st john the baptist church at Adel for the evening service the very first time Helen has ever been inside its doors as she had only ever played in its grounds when she was a little girl .

Then we drove over and visited kirstall Abbey called into her parents house for tea and coffee then went to the Abbey inn in Bramley and over to the New Inn at Farsley.

In bed that night Ellie dropped the bombshell she wanted to back home to prove to every one even though she would try her marriage was over and she would return to me and it might takes days to a few weeks i was gutted i had about another three hours sleep six to seven hours in two days i was in a turmoil and did not want morning to come.

Yesterday was still along day and i did bat out work till nine o clock , i had a few text off Ellie during the day and early evening , one to say she had bought me a Danish pastry from Ainsley's for tea. i than got another one saying she was cooking me shepherds pie and Yorkshire puddings for tea , and another one saying she loved me.

i phoned my Son to see how he was getting on i explained that it was hard seeing him when i worked till nine every night and worked weekends i told him i loved him that i missed him lots

when i did get home just before nine i let myself in i heard snowpatrol "you could be happy" which was playing on the computer upstairs,i found out she was in the bath i walked into the bathroom and she asked me to join her so i undressed and got in the bath the water was cold needless to say we made some waves and a few extra bubbles , ii occurred to me and i did ask her if this was her way of saying goodbye she looked shocked and upset and reassured me it no it wasn't and that she loved me , which i don't doubt that she does... i have never doubted her love for me.
she put her new pj,s on with her new pink playboy slippers she had bought that day, she did look cute and sexy.

We went downstairs to eat the shepherds pie she had cooked , i asked her again if she was leaving me and the house that we share and she told me no she wasn't but that she does get upset and tearful every time that she See's her son and then as to leave him .

we finished tea and cuddled up on the settee and both fell asleep.Woke up and went to bed had a cuddle and a chat then went to sleep .

This morning she got up with me put the rest of the shepherds pie into a Tupperware container made some fresh gravy and packed it up for my lunch at work.......we kissed our goodbyes and she told me she see me tonight then she told me that she was going to the front room to wave me off to work which she did.

Yesterday checked my lottery numbers for Wednesday and found out that of the three lines i had done i had won a tenner.

Helen is upset again her twelve old son has been crying and asking her to go back , she text me which i hate and told me she was confused and upset and although she does love me she is unsure what to do regarding going back home.
she text she would talk to me tonight and sort it out after i finished work at nine o clock which was thirteen hours away and that she wouldn't do anything in haste but how can i carry on working and wait that long not knowing .

So i left work and returned to the house to see her face to face i told her that i did understand it is not easy
we cried and hugged and kissed , and i asked her if she truly loved me she said yes that she did..... i then said if you do then you cant leave me and we have to work it out , we have a spare bedroom if her son wants to , or she needs him close buy he can sleep over we live a few miles from where she used to live its a ten minute drive i don't think her going back home for the sake of her son is a solution and will make her life any more happier.

Deep down i feel for her and i do understand her pain and anguish , i have children too but one day they will all grow up and flee the nest... where then will that leave her..............if she goes back home what then do we still see each other , keep in contact or sever all ties with each other. If that was the case it be easier for me if she was dead i cant accept anything else , i could and would have to accept that and get on with my life as sad as it would be but to leave me when i know she loves me i would never get my head round .............crazy i know but i love this woman so much it hurts i feel my heart is being split in two and torn apart ......... but then her leaving me and moving out and her going back home when she says she loves me and that she will always love me and she is crying real tears whilst saying this, i will never get over ......... and i would always think that there was a chance we would get back together and i would have no choice but to wait , with Helen gone my life would change once again forever it would have very little or no meaning wot so ever .......................

Was a long tedious day yesterday my first day back at work after the Easter break , and i hated it ever second of every hour drag and each and every hour seemed like a day..... then i had to go to my 5 till 9 job at the Hospital which to be fair went quicker than the rest of the day i work alone and unsupervised i get on with the job have numerous cups of coffee and if i get done for twenty to nine i leave which most nights mean i am home for just after nine o clock which gives me around three hours before bed time to have tea a shower and chill out with Ellie.



Sick of doing the lottery have not even won a tenner for ages i cant not remember the last time i won which considering i do 6 lines a week is not bloody on is it.......... especially when i am convinced i will win enough one day to pay for a house out right , must keep the faith i guess and never stop believing for i out of all people should that know dreams do come true.

Wednesday
We had breakfast at Morrison's at the kirstall store only because we did not have any eggs in the fridge and not because she cant cook wont cook (only joking Helen) then after wards in the afternoon both of us sorted the garden out the back between us we cut all the plants and twiggy things pulled up anything that looked dead cleared up all the dead heads and leaves its a good job Ellie knows what she is doing as i am clueless.
then after instructions from the boss i planted some bulb's shrubs and some other flowers and generally got it looking some what half decent.

Thursday
Went over to Meadow hall Sheffield bought a metal key holder designed in the shape of a wrought iron key,went to a shop called second hand rose bought some other bits and pieces and then on to Aberford pine bought a chicken door stop

Good Friday

bought a Netherlands dwarf rabbit that is crossed with a lion head rabbit for Ellie instead of a Easter egg less calories , its cute warm and and ever so cuddly and so is the rabbit.Also we got it a two tier cage which must equate to a rabbit mansion and all the feeding stuff and salt licks wooden chews and straw and shavings plus food a water bottle and everything else a rabbit could wish for, it settled in straight away and is living in the conservatory at the moment due to the cold snowy weather we have been having recently we have had it in the living room and it settles close to Helen's face and cuddles up.

Saturday

Helen didn't go to work she work up in lots pain so i went alone ,i finished at one o clock then went back to the house and picked Helen up and we drove over to Skipton visited the market place where we bought a nice wooden fruit bowl and a couple of wooden candle sticks with candles had fish and chips at Bizzizs fish restaurant then headed home. on the way stopped at Adel to visit st john the baptist church a little church where Helen used to play in when she was a little girl not the five foot one that she is now this is when she was even smaller about thirty two years ago.When she moved from the area she has never been back to visit the church until today even though she as asked a few people when driving pass to hunt down the little church to see if it still was how she had pictured it all them years ago.

Monday

drove over to York used the park and ride at the designer outlet then caught the bus in to York city centre went to GBK for dinner had a Greek burger Ellie just for a change had the chicken burger with mayo and a cup of tea.was snowing on and off then it came sunny then rain then snow again

called into the designer outlet after the bus dropped us of back there i bought some new trainers a brown leather belt and a Rockport t-shirt .

driving back home stopped at the Roundhay fox for a drink then headed home.

Tuesday

went to Country Baskets bought some black and cream kitchen wear pots for sugar, butter and cream and some matching egg cups ,Helen got a dolls house which she as always wanted a house when she was younger but had to make do with one made out of cardboard which was featured on Blue Peter ,also bought some furniture to put in its empty rooms which is a bit like real life for the both of us at the moment and the fact that we making our own home together and doing very nicely half the fun in starting new everything done in stages and it does take time we are getting there and i am loving every minute .

We also went to piece hall at Halifax, loads of the shops are vacant and empty we did have a nice breakfast black pudding included at the Cappuccino cafe , i had Ellie's she hates the stuff.

spoilt by me having to go to my hospital shift when the last thing i wanted to do never mind it pays the bills .

Today

paid £1300 off my virgin credit card bill with money from the endowment we cashed in and also paid £1100 to clear the joint over draught my x is paying a equal amount as well then the joint account will be no longer i will have my name removed off it and she can keep it as her account in her name only looking at getting virgin broadband for a tenner a month keep getting Gregg a sales rep from virgin phoning me up after i filled a online application form in i never sent it or submitted it so how they got my details i don't know ,but they was aware i filled out a online application form even though i didn't click the send button they still had my details scary or wot they thought my PC had crashed before i had chance to hit the send /submit button big bro watching or wot.........

Working away last at and at around 7.40 got a text of Ellie she was on her way down to casualty because of the pain she was feeling in her breast was getting too much for her to bear . I packed in work and headed over to casualty , she was already there with her parents who i had meet for the first time the day before when they had called to the house , she was in and out in just over a hour and half , she was assessed and examined and she does have a lump the size of a pea she was prescribed some pain killers and antibiotics.

She went to her GP'S this morning and he is referring her to a breast clinic the lump is soft and not hard.
The doctor named what she had but she couldn't remember the long name he reeled off at her she text me " something in short a mouse" ? not sure till i see her what this means but the diagnosis might be something other than what we don't want it to be , so fingers crossed hopefully we will find out over the next few weeks what is going on .

Got to go to the rental company LS1 and hand the keys back to the apartment and explain that i have now moved out and no one is living there ,i don't know what is going to kick off and what monies they want will have to wait and see , some how don't think they are going to be too happy .

Finally got the cheque for cashing the endowment policy four thousand five hundred and fifty one pounds after all the hassle of signing letters returning documents etc etc Will go to the bank and get it deposited.

Work at the hospital with Helen this weekend on separate wards on different floors but we meet up on breaks and corridors and stuff Helen (Ellie) she took herself of and went to the breast ward after her morning break on Sunday to get examined by one of the nurse's she also did find a lump too in exactly the same place Ellie had she discovered some other lumps , they have told her to go see her G.P she has an appointment to go this Tuesday of cause she is nervous and scared , but i am with her all the way to look after her and take care of her , nurse her , cuddle her what ever she needs at what ever time and i wouldn't dream of doing anything else.
I love this women so much she is my world i will never desert her no matter what , my gut feeling tells me that is there is no need to panic the news will be good and she will be given the all clear.

meet her parents for the first time her mother and father brought up to the house the pine plate rack and four oak chairs Ellie had bought from wheatfield's hopefully i made a good impression on them both they both stayed for coffee then left.
Ellie and me then Went to over to 6 acres carvery restaurant for Sunday lunch evening meal we both pigged had both of us had deserts of strawberry cheese cake with ice cream for Ellie and banoffe pie with pouring cream for me , went home to chill out both fell asleep went to bed had a cuddle went to sleep end of another weekend.


Break up this Tuesday got Wednesday off but work Wednesday night 9 - 5 shift and its the same on Thursday although i have got good Friday off all day then i work the weekend with Ellie on a 7 -3 shift but have got bank holiday Monday off all day and then i have Tuesday off but work my 9 - 5 shift then its back to normal .

Then i should in April get my new Holiday entitlement from both jobs YIPPEE !

Ellie is being stubborn and irresponsible because she wont go to the doctors and i don't know what to do or how far to push to make her go. She as found what she thinks is a lump in her left breast and also its been sore over the last week or so. The first time she mentioned it to me was last night.This morning when we woke she said she was fine and it was soft again and less sore than it was , but i could see she was telling me what she thought i wanted to hear.
She hopefully knows , but if she don't , i will make sure she does that i do love her regardless , and i will care for her look after her regardless through thick and thing in sickness and in health she is my world and i wont ever stop loving her.
ignorance is not bliss when it comes to something like this .

Regarding the conservatory furniture its way too big to fit in the little conservatory that we have and they wont split it down so instead we are getting a plate rack for the dresser we have and four pine chairs which Ellie will paint white shabby chic style for the dining room .

My Daughter text me last night to tell me that she had just had her first driving lesson , i remember bringing her home from the hospital when she was born in a car set we had just bought , scary how life goes so quickly.
Bought Ellie some garden hedge shears , a trowel and a fork for the gardening , she bought a hanging basket and some plants the other day so i thought it would be a nice idea to get her some new tools seeing all the ones that she had would have been left at her house when she moved out.
This Saturday her father is bringing the patio furniture up to the house , she has just finished paying for it he will bring using his trailer and car ,he is also bringing a cast iron log burner for the garden which i belived he made he is oding this whilst we are both at work.

Reversed into next doors mini last night when i got home i hit it with my tow bar and smashed a light cover set into the bumper i told the woman this morning when i got up she was just returning and getting out of her car as i was getting into mine , she had no idea but i thought better be honest and mention the fact don't want to isolate the neighbours

We work up with out any electricity with the storms and wind must be a problem at the substation so no lights no hot water no radiators and no pump therefore system at a standstill.

Ellie went to Wheatfield's Hospice ( above picture) and has bought some conservatory furniture and two Carver chairs which she is then going to paint white they are hopefully getting delivered this Thursday the wicker furniture is £75 for a settee table chairs all the money funds the cancer patients stay and are there own belongings which the donate for sale to fund the unit so they get there last few weeks or months being cared for and having some quality of life before they sadly pass away . She also bought two crystal bowls a coaster stand and a small wooden bowl. For all of you want to check out what goes on at the hospice what they are about then here's a link http://www.suerydercare.org/wheatfieldshospice/or or if you want to make make a donation
http://www.suerydercare.org/getinvolved/donation.asp#Donate_Online thank you.

This is the bridge i use to meet Ellie on most every dinner time now that we have moved , it wont be that often i can meet her here.We use to meet at twelve she would come by bus and i would walk from work sneaking out five ten minutes early so i would be on time then we would go to the Aire bar for half a lager and lime for her and a bottle of magners for me.

Afterwards i would go back to work and she would get the bus back home , rain or shine she would turn up happy to see me and she use to meet me every day just for one hour and sometimes it would be for less.

My x-wife i knew for 18 years and she always had a car never came to meet me or take me out for dinner once in all the time we was together, then people asked me why marriage was no more and why i left, i think its something to do with wanting to see someone so much and going that extra yard and giving 100% and then someone on the opposite scale doing nothing and taking everything for granted and giving 10% ,it was no choice i fell in love with a girl woman like i had never known before know we are together i wont ever stop giving 110% we have both giving up everything to be together and its working we are happy and contented and slowly day by day building a home.

The next thing is a rabbit hutch and a lion head rabbit to go in it lot less bother than a dog and it wont need walking and is a vegetarian so no smelly dog meat seen a hutch and run at Argos costs £99.99 not sure where we can get the rabbit from will check out online .

Ellie started cleaning the bathroom don't think its ever been cleaned as good as it was yesterday it took her the best part of 6 hours to do everything including walls and ceilings i got home and put the wooden slated blind up she bought last week. she bought some white wicker drawers from Argos by the three drawer and get the two drawer set free.

She also ordered a 37" Samsung black TV that could take up to thirty five days to deliver it to our home address.

Trying to change the mortgage payments so instead of paying IT on the 16th of each month i want to pay it when i get my monthly wage from the NHS on the last Friday every of every month , my rent comes out on the 16th which is £665 the mortgage i pay is £450 which leaves me short of cash for two weeks hopefully i can sort this minor problem out .

Had another letter to send to Endowment express to agree to a lesser amount our endowment was a home builder endowment which is a few hundred pounds less than the original offer i am that feed up i just signed to agree and hopefully the cheque will be sent in the next seven to ten days watch this space.

Finished work Saturday with Ellie shot over to Ikea to take some photo frames back which where the wrong size.

stopped back on the way to Tulip retail park and bought a new fish tank to replace the one i broke when we moved from the flat.The fish love it it has a light and pump so it should keep the water cleaner longer and well oxygenated.

Fixed the pan rack to the kitchen ceiling and its stayed up , need to fix a blind in the bathroom got the hot water sorted out but if you turn the tap on full it stops running hot and goes cold. jumped in to the corner bath With Ellie neither of us had to have the tap end hehe they are in the middle of the bath , lighted some candles and only thing missing was soft music and a bottle of sparkling Cava i really don't like champagne will have to sort that out for next time.

All the rooms are getting there now Ellie brought some garden stuff over some ornaments and wind chimes stone mushrooms and birdbath wrought iron heron and dog a parasol.

things to buy drawers for our bedroom a new rug for the living room some white basket type drawers for the bathroom some string lights for the bedroom and conservatory

Already got the water rates bill for the year and a tv reminder that i need to get a license and seeing that we are looking at Samsung 37" LCD TV might be a good idea that i buy one asp.

still not on the Internet but hopefully that is being sorted out in the next few days , might have to buy a tumbler dryer the one that comes with the house is broken at least they are not that dear and we all need dry clothes.

Ellie went out yesterday and bought more stuff for the house she got a new toilet seat wasn't happy using the old one , a another Glass vase for the twigs and lights we have two lots , a wooden slated blind for the bathroom the one already up was dirty and it fell down when it was operated .
Some prints for the kitchen walls , a white circular wicker basket for the toilet rolls and a white wicker waste basket also for the bathroom , a metal ornate lamp for the pine dresser which is in kitchen and a cream and black circular porcelain Victorian ceramic bread bin.
finished work was home just after nine and was served pancakes and home made stew with dumplings that girl is a star.
Went back to Asda to take her DAB radio it wasn't tuning in properly got it exchanged for a new one which seems fine .

The most amazing woman in the world to me is Ellie she keeps on getting better an better and i love the girl to bits.
She slaved away at getting the house cleaned organized and things put away,as well as cooking washing and ironing , she does have great taste when it comes to interior design and style nothing is been too much time and effort for her and she is a star and is well appreciated.
Also she is a great cook has a lovely smile is always laughing and joking about she never gets down and i have to say the last three months have been the happiest i have been in ages. I'am looking forward to summer time to barbeque's bike riding by the canal and being with the one i love i have got a few days off at Easter will use it to chill out with the woman i love.

today she is doing the bathroom putting the nets up in the conservatory and cleaning the windows and sorting out the bit of the garden at the front the house , but if i got home and she had done nothing then i wouldn't complain one bit .
I dreamt about this woman for six years before we got together the reality is a lot better than the dream and the dreams and fantasies where out of this world.

Finished work at nine drove back to Rodley fixed the draw front on the tv stand then we went shopping at Asda bought a new vacum cleaner dustpan and brush mop two new tefal pans lampshades bulbs washing line and pegs then spent over £120 on food.
Ellie had spent most of the day going up and down stairs her legs are not used to it after living in the apartment for three months and living on the one level her muscles need to adjust no doubt they soon will.
Today she is going to clean the house from top to bottom don't know if she will do it all in one day but she does get on with it and its amazing how much a women on a mission can get completed.
Found out my son who stills lives with my ex wife as bought a air pistol and a rat catcher air rifle and told me he had been shooting it out in the back garden when i told him to be careful that someone does not report him to the police as he is fifteen years old and it would have grave consequences if he was to get caught, he kicked off with me telling me that i always having a go with him when i phoned him last week and spoke to him he told me he had bought a twin edged battle sword of eBay ,now it seems anything he asks for or wants he now gets , and i am not impressed , my wife use to say no way is any son of mine having a air gun and was total anti knifes weapons guns , now he as a powerful air rifle hopefully no accidents will occur fingers crossed.

Monday finished work at 11.15am at the house helper Ellie unpack and sort the stuff out tidy up all rooms and rip up all boxes and packaging took them to the bins over at the apartment and dumped them there.
went over to Ikea and bought two bedside tables a coffee table with openings for wicker boxes and a tv-stand with a drawer all to self assembly messed the drawer front up but can sort it out need some other fixings and glue.
Ellie bought some more pillows a glass stand for the twigs and lights a knife block containing four knives a set of curtains and 4 sets of nets for the conservatory a bird feeder and some curtain wire hooks and eyes.
Having trouble tuning in the tv and getting a reception although there is a few Ariel points so not sure what the problem is.
Was working till ten o clock went for fish and chips and gravy was 12-30 again before we went to bed working till nine tonight and desperately need a a long good nights sleep to refresh and get ready for working the weekend.
Still got to sort out handing the keys back for the apartment and paying the rest of the rent if i need to and over what term i can pay it back as it is i owe £1000 if they keep me to the contract i signed.
The apartment is totally empty went back yesterday and removed all the frozen food and switched the fridge off turned the heating and hot water off and it is now has it was the first day we took the keys cant say i am going to miss it at the had of the day a house in my opinion beats a one bedroom apartment hands down and another plus no more talking automated lifts.

Moved out of the apartment after we finished work on Sunday at three o clock we got everything out did it in three trips with the Laguna went over and signed the tenancy agreement at four o clock and we got the keys to the Rodley house drove back over to the apartment and finished sorting out boxes packing and moving all our belongings and others tuff at 1-30 Monday morning we had finished we had stopped of for a Indian take away at midnight which might not of been a good idea but we both had very little food to eat all day , but at midnight on Sunday night there is not loads of options for dining out KFC was shutting its doors and Mac Donald's a no no as always hate the stuff apart from the milkshakes when the milk dispenser is working.
All we need to move out of the apartment now is the frozen food which is a few carry bags at the most.

All areas of the new house at Rodley need cleaning especially the bathroom and kitchen areas and all things need to be unpacked and my computer set up hi-fi tv dvd player still need to buy a printer and we are going need two bedside cabinets and at least a couple of set of drawers , and for the bathroom a glass and black metal wrought iron stand.

which we have moved off the wall and put it more in the centre of the room it has four matching chairs a six hob Smeg gas cooker and a white Belfast sink with black granite work tops and a tiled floor.
All the floors down stairs and the two upstairs bedrooms are stripped back to the floor boards we also have two leather settees a two and three seater.will need a coffee table a new darker coloured rug.

Ellie paid the rent on the apartment she is a star didn't expect her to she always amazes me with the things she does and the lengths she goes to to help and love me no other woman as every come close to how i feel about her and how much i love her.

We are hopefully moving out Monday to the new house pick the keys up Sunday will move some stuff over Sunday night and the remainder on Monday i finish work at twelve o clock.

Ellie also bought a DAB radio two Peter Kay DVDs the Bolton and Blackpool shows and a load of bedding from Laura Ashley's the bedding is out of this world for £250 it wants to be we wont be eating breakfast in bed cant afford to stain it

Finished work Ellie got a taxi and meet me just after nine.Went to GBK for burgers Ellie had a chicken with fries i had a Cajun beef with fries a cup of tea a bottle of coke and a side salad and a mayonnaise dip £26.50.

Ellie bought a dab radio for the kitchen from Asda for thirty quid , and i bought two Cd's from HMV Snowpatrol "Eyes wide shut" and Oasis double album of hits for a tenner.



Have Monday night of at work and trying to get to finish at dinner time so we can start moving some stuff out to the new house.



Desperatly need a haircut will have to try to go this dinnertime and get it sorted.

Have got one months rent to pay for the house in Rodley and we can move in hopefully will sort out the finer points and get the keys this coming Saturday then we will set the direct debit up to pay the rent every month.
It is going to be June when i am all sorted out and the burden of the apartment will be a distant memory.

Ellie is sorting out all the laundry so we are not taking loads of dirty clothes with us when we move.This Sunday or Monday night if i can get the time off work .
We reckon about two car loads should do the move all the electrical stuff PC DVD player hi-fi , TV will go on the last load , all ornaments clothes , pots and pans the first the biggest item we have to move is the book case we got not long ago from Ikea and the metal coat stand. We will have to take all the tins of food and all the frozen food with us although we still have four days to get through what is left.

Good news on the endowment should be getting paid out in the next seven days fingers crossed .

Got to sort out when we are moving in to the three bedroom house , i will have to pay the remanding rent on the apartment which is a pain in the arse but i signed an agreement for six months so i cant see a way out of not paying, but i will get £525 bond back i paid which covers ones month rent , i will just have to pay it on the credit card and see what i can clear off when i get the endowment money which is dwindling fast and still in the process of getting sorted out hopefuly in the next week or two at the max , i can always make the minium payments until things get sorted out and on paper i earn enough money and a cash flow shouldnt be a problem.

Got the phone call regarding the house at Rodley Friday afternoon at around half two saying he couldn't decide who to let the house to i offered fifteen pounds a month more and he accepted we are also looking at renting long term which must be a bonus for any landlord knowing he doesn't have to re advertise or have it stood empty too long.
We are not that far from the canal as well so the last three property's that i have lived in have all been near to the Leeds and Liverpool Canal.

I couldn't work overtime this weekend due to the fact that i had a period of sickness during the week , so i was more or less in the flat on my own whilst Ellie was at work , although i did drop her of and pick her up , but talk about going stir crazy i had to get out and go for a walk and i do realise What Ellie gas put up with during the stay in the flat and i know that a flat no matter how nice it is or where its located is no substitute for a House with upstairs rooms a garden and mail landing on the front door mat.

Another concession the landlord made is that Ellie can bring her dog Sam and have him to live with us when we move in on a two month trail period that's if her Husband is still in agreement that he doesn't want ownership anymore.

Sunday went over to Tong garden centre mainly to have a look then we shot over to Ikea Bought two large lathe turned dark wooden candle sticks and a pair of candles , a black board that's a magnetic notice board as well which will go in the kitchen of the new house.

Went to view the house last night went to the Barge pub before we went to view, got to the house for seven had a good look round it has a cellar and a conservatory which i didn't know about every bedroom is a decent size just what we want and need,made an offer will find out tonight at seven if we have it or not if fate is smiling and we get it we can move in next weekend.

Went to my Sisters on the way back home from there we went to Brett's fish restaurant at Headingley i had plaice Ellie had haddock after we had finished there i decided to drive to where i use to live . we then went for a drink near Temple Newsham we then we drove to where she use to live and finally went home.

Today got the new owner log book back for the car. At dinner time i went to the post office and paid the the outstanding poll tax bill i owed £219.64p ouch, never mind the joys of living in England , Ellie has to go back to her house to look after her son this afternoon until nine o clock tonight when her Husband returns from his shift she will then she gets a taxi back to the apartment fingers crossed she wont be stressed out , upset or hurting.We are both planning on working this weekend.

Phoned up about a three bedroom house in Rodley lovely bathroom , large kitchen living room and a terraced garden at £650 a month which is more than we are paying now but it's just what we want ,we have a viewing Thursday night, but there is other people also viewing over two days , and no doubt he will pick the most suited to his needs we will just have to fight our corner and put a good case over as too why he should rent to us. We need this house it will be more of a home we can get a couple of bicycles and ride on the canal bank and pedal for miles at least it will be mostly flat and have barbques outside in the back garden we will also get some out door lanterns and night lights and drink iced cider and eat burnt sausages and burgers fingers crossed for us.


The Laguna has been stood since Sunday night went to work early to give it a run did not think that is was going to start but it did ,took it out for 20 mins to warm the engine and put a bit of charge in to it , when its cold it cuts out don't think i am using the automatic choke correctly or it might need some wd40 to stop it sticking ,but once its warms up it runs great not sure if i need a new battery will speak to the mate i bought it of and ask him his opinion, if we do move from the apartment its going to be heavy on juice i might need to look at getting something more economical to run it will cost me i reckon at least £50 a week in petrol which is way too much .

will trade it in on a newer Corsa or Fiesta will have to see if we get this house first then decide.

Was two years ago yesterday that my Mother died i thought about her most of the day and i think she knows that i have left my wife and kids and why i had to be with Ellie . I honestly believe that i have her blessing and that she is happy for me and hopefully she is guiding me and Ellie to make the right moves and decisions in our life together.

Still waiting for the endowment money to be sorted out getting a bit irritated now if i get the money before i go view the house we are after it puts us in a better position i can pay three four months rent in advance it will make a good levering point if i needed to.

Yippee Ellie is still with me she did not leave to go back home , there can be no going back for either of us we are together any problems that lie in our way we will have to sort out whilst together.No women as given up so much to be with me i wont let her down ever so knows i am playing for keeps my love is all for her and i will do everything i can to keep her happy.



She went to look at two and three bedroom houses we have decided that is the next step on the ladder getting out of the city to somewhere with an upstairs a garden and near some woodland and wildlife trying not to be too far from a canal or waterway.the rent is more or less what we are paying out for the apartment anyway and we be away from the bars and restaurants and no doubt wont be as tempted to go out.


We ate the shepherds pie together did some oven chips whilst watching most haunted after i got home from my shift at around 9-30 , and washed it down with two bottles of pear cider then went to bed a very happy man.

Finished work Friday at four no working the night shift at the Hospital i had the night off.

Went over to Crofton to see Ellie's brother for the very first time meet him and his wife had a coffee we did get lost on the way there AA route planner not that clear , then from there shot over to Flockton to meet some other of Ellie's other friends Sharon and Steve went to their local had a bar meal only had two pints of lager shandy drove back to Leeds got home at around midnight.


On Saturday we both worked 07-00 - 15-00 shift after we finished work we walked into town i meet my Daughter and her friend I paid for them i Chinese meal at N01 buffet and left them after we had been round Currys looking at cd players laptops and flat screen tv's for her bedroom.


Saturday night went for a Indian meal to Akbars's on Greek street we meet up with Sharon and Steve from Flockton they dropped us back at the apartment spent the rest of the night doing nothing Ellie dropped the bombshell she was going back home to the house and her son and husband on Monday , i thought she meant permanently but no she as stuff to sort out and should return in a few days she leaves this afternoon and i feel my heart being split in two she has promised she loves me and wants to be with me and will return to me , and i honestly do believe her,so i have to give her time and room and the trust to do this as her son is only twelve and for a couple of days needs his Mum , and although i don't like her going back to her house i have no choice and i cant stop her, if she feels this is something that she has to do and hopefully by Wednesday, Thursday at the latest she will return so watch this space i will just have to get on with work cleaning the flat top to bottom and sleeping alone for the next few days and nights.

She as cooked me a large shepherds pie made with lamb mince , a quiche to keep me going i can cook and wont starve.

going to the Aire bar for a drink before she leaves sometime this afternoon.

Now a car owner once again went to the post office got twelve months tax went to the petrol station and put £25.00 of petrol in the tank the joys of motoring.For our first Valentines day Ellie bought me a out of this world photo frame with a picture of her self she did at Click photo booth last weekend it was meant for my office desk but i treasure it too much to leave it at work so its staying in the flat she also bought me "for the one person i love " coffee cup and a silver heart shaped padlock with key which represents the key to her heart .

Went to the White Rose shopping centre bought some brown leather trainers from Next and some more boxer shorts.Ellie bought some brown leather cow girl boots and a leather bag to match from River Island and Faith's.



Visited St Marys church to leave some flowers carnations and Lillie's on the grave of Ellie's late Grandmother.

Went to Country Baskets and bought some candles and glass candle holders the largest one burns for 96 hours.

Went to the Aire Bar for a valentine meal had garlic bread with cheese to start then a steak with peas mushrooms and tomatoes , bottle of white wine , chocolate cake with ice cream set price twenty five pounds per couple.
No work tonight finish at four o clock so might wander in to town have a few drinks and tea somewhere in town fish and chips would be nice.

Arranged to go to the Aire bar for a drink at dinner time with Ellie,was going to meet her in the lobby but i had to dispose of a corpse we have a large goldfish bowl with seven fish swimming happily around and around , one decided to see if it was a flying fish and during the night it must have jumped out and it landed in Ellies bag which was left open on the table near to the gold fish bowl and she only noticed it when she was going to leave to come and meet me ,so i had to go home and flush it down the toilet i did three flushes just to make sure it wouldnt pop back up.



We then went to the Aire bar we sat out on the balcony and noticed the police divers still searching the water for the body of the man Gavin Terry whom went missing on the 11th Jan 2008 he was last seen on cctv near the Leeds bridge vacinity but as yet no word where he is .Booked a meal for Valentine night will try and seek out of work 15 minutes early so we can dine at around 9-30.

Had a great tea waiting for me when i got home when i finished work from the hospital shift at nine o clock,home made black bean stir fry with all fresh ingredients made with fresh steak vegatables and noodles on the way home i got two bottles of pear cider and a box of sharwoods prawn crackers , got to admit first time i have had noodles it and was one of the best chinese meals i have ever had full marks to Ellie .

Have bought the 2.0L Renault Laguna for £600 from my work mate although i have not give him the cash he is prepared to wait until i get the endowment money which should be this week fingers crossed it has 80000 miles on the clock and i have already insured it third party fire and theft at a cost of £421.

Since i have been married i have been a named driver on the ex's insurance so i am starting from scratch anyway no point moaning on about the cost of motoring either got to payor its buses for life.Own motor again is a nice thought i have always used the family car but not through the week use to hate waiting for the bus home it was always hit and miss.

I should be mobile by Thursday depending on how fast they send the insurance documents so i can tax the car its mot until July by then i should have traded it in for something newer hopefully.

Had to take the leather jacket back to River Island they had left a security tag inside the pocket every time i would have been shopping i would have set the alarms off so better to get it taken off.
Ellie's knees both out in bruises from the ice skating episode on Friday we have been asked to go to the ice rink on Sunday after work i don't think we should bother if she hurts her knees again she would be suffering all over again she also hurt her back and some how strained her stomach muscles. She as not paid her mobile phone bill so she as been cut of till she settles the amount owing she can receive texts and calls so its not too bad hopefully it will be paid on Thursday so we will hopefully both be mobile again.

My Sisters cat Coco died as its liver and kidneys was shutting slowly down and they finally stopped working altogether it died at home and she was 15 years old and both my sister and her Husband where both gutted.
It use to sleep on the bottom of the z-bed on my feet when i use to sleep in the downstairs back room i was living there during the split with my wife.

Friday night Ellie went over to Bradford with her ice skating and ended up damaging her knees hand and general aches and pains throughout her body.She bought some dark brown hair colouring as she is dyed blonde i thought it odd until she mentioned it was for me so Friday night at eleven o clock i am in the bathroom getting my hair coloured.To be fair i like it its a few shades dark then my natural colour and it does look well.On my way home from work i called in to Morrison's for a few bits and pieces and bought her some flowers for doing my ironing.

Worked Saturday till one thirty Ellie did not go in to work and i called back to the flat and walked back in to town with Ellie she was still suffering but not as bad, the tablets she takes kicked in and did the trick . I did meet up with my Son and he wanted to visit the Royal Armouries again, we have been on numerous occasions it never use to bother me but when i got back home and saw Ellie i realised all we saw and read about and all the displays are just about man killing man and it bothered me i don't think i will go back again or if i do it will be in a very long time.

Sunday went to work until twelve o clock left work and the sun was blazing the sky was blue walked back to the flat called in to Curry's and bought 1 gig xd memory card , showered got changed and walked in to the city with H, went to the Mosaic open market to look at the craft stalls then walked up to River Island when i bumped in to my Daugther who was with two of her mates.

From River island i bought three pairs of jeans and a black leather bomber jacket . bought Ellie some jeans and a shirt and jumper , then went to Next bought some black boxers Ellie bought me a black leather jacket we then went across to Boots i needed to get some lotions and potions to sort out my feet to sort out my nails and hard skin not my best feature.

In the evening went to the City Palace pub for a pint then went to Aagrah Indian restaurant had starter mixed kebab H had onion bahjees then we both had main dish with four chapatis and two deserts plus two drinks all in for £34.00 , left went to the Aire Bar then went home to bed.

Not sure what to do about meeting son this weekend hopefully we are still on to meet this Saturday afternoon , last weekend he cancelled at the last minute after i finished work early.
I think he finds busing it in to Leeds too much he does not like change and him trailing in to Town if he is in the wrong frame of mind is just too much hassle and he just wont bother.

Buying a Renault Laguna 2.0 litre RS five door hatch for £600 from work buddy hopefully some time in the next few days its getting a full service and has a decent mp3/CD player fitted which alone cost the best part Of £300 to buy and fit when it was new and if i keep it 6 months and trade it in when we get a house i wont loose any money on it.


Helen wants me to go ice skating with her i have only ever been once before and it was a total disaster couldn't even stand up never mind move across the ice so it should be fun but might have to put it on ice hehe hate pain don't want a numb bum thank you.


Had pancakes last night with maple syrup i went and bought H Blue Lagoon on DVD she had it on video years ago but it got thrown out at her request i bought for her again got it from HMV for a fiver was not that bad i have never seen it before. Got a few chick flicks now 50 first dates , sliding doors ,10 days to loose a guy , ghost and a few others i cant remember the names of

Last night worked until 9 0 clock but it is starting to drag its too much time and i have everything done by eight o clockish , i dare not reduce my hours my as my main Monday to Friday job is a bit up and down at the moment and the threat of redundancy is at a all time high but this could take at least a year plus to sort out and there is always the redeployment option and if i did have to really on the Hospital job as my only source of income i will need all the hours i can get.

Finished work picked up H went to the pub went to the Palace near Leeds Parish Church then on to the Aire bar till throwing out time only had time for a couple of ciders but it broke the day up cant just work and sleep too much like being married.

Looking and seriously thinking of going with t-mobile for the mobile broadband option at £29.00 a month coverage is suppose to be good where i live if i need to job hunt and send emails i will need a Internet connection that's my reason any way and i am sticking to it.

I leave the apartment at @ 7-15 am i go back at 10-00am to see H, as i only live 2 Min's from where i work

I go back to work for 10-20 am i go back at 12-00 to see H and go back to work at 12-30 pm i finish at 16-00 pm and see H, i pick up my bag and uniform and leave at 4-25 pm for the Hospital until 21-00pm , i then get home for around 21-30 and see H , i text her up to 15 times a day , so why o why do i miss her so much for very second that i am away from her , i don't like it i feel insecure i think my bubble is going to burst and that i will be miserable forever more if she was to leave me to go back home for the sake of her kids for any other reason.

I prey to God she wont i and i don't expect for one second that she will or would ever leave me high and dry and i know she thinks the same about me what if i was to go back to my wife , or when i do meet up with my kids and they beg me to go back home .

I know she loves me as much or equal to how i love her, and i know she like me can not go back too much as happened too many changes which would come back to haunt her if she did or i did too many skeletons in the cupboard

Friday had day off went to the tattooist to get the x- wife's name covered it was her name done in the form of a blue heart i badly needed it gone it was starting to bug and it was a constant reminder my wedding ring i took off when i left the tattoo was something else anyway mission accomplished it is now covered and deleted and forever not to be seen again.


Friday night my sister called and took H and me over to Ikea we have been trying to get over for the last couple of months we bought a big black wall clock a oak veneered bookcase , a wok , 4 pillows and 4 cases to go on the settee, some glass spice jars a bar stool to go in the kitchen area and a fisherman's wicker basket for storage purposes which will hold odd and soda and a cream rug for the side of the bed.we really wanted a metal coat stand for the hall way they had sold out bloody typical the coats remain on the bedroom floor behind the door.


We both worked Saturday until 1-30 pm and 15-00pm Sunday,Went to the Ha-Ha bar for a couple of pints Sunday afternoon got some crusts and fed the ducks at Clarence docks.Was suppose to meet up with my Son he cancelled at the last moment hopefully we have rescheduled for this Saturday.

Had yesterday off went to BHS for a ten item breakfast with H pigged out then went to Firetrap H bought me two T-shirts. Bought Babylon by bus Bob Marley for a fiver from Zavvi (used to be virgin stores ).
went to House of Frazier men's department ended up buying four Paul Smith T-shirts in the sale from £35 to a staggering only £7.50 each

went to the std clinic accompanied by H talked about the Herpes coldsore problem and we got it all sorted out and all the questions answered.
Went to the Town Hall and spent £7.00 on getting a copy of my marriage certificate to forward to the solicitor it took only twenty five minutes to find and print it out i then walked over to the solicitor's office and handed it in and paid £300 to start divorce proceedings.

Went to a local bar and had a bottle of pear cider to celebrate the start of a new era got back to the flat and opened the mail box inside was a letter from the Building Society stating they had no interest in the endowment policy that we are cashing in from the house we sold 18 months ago that should net us £5k each which will help pay a few bills and buy bits and pieces i need such as a holiday once they receive this letter the money should be released to us.

considering signing up for the vodafone mobile broadband at £29.99 a month for a twelve month contract unlimited download and no hiding costs need the Internet and this looks better than the offers 3 are doing atm if the download speeds are as good as they are advertising then i might have to go for it.least i can email surf and buy online the things i require its costing me a fortune not being able to buy online anymore

I am madly in love and i cant help myself everything i see and do read or hear and listen to reflects her and how i see he i just i cant get this woman out of my head i don't want her out of my head i like that i am totally smitten by her she is everything to me.


I watch her when she sleeps i watch her when she walks and moves across a room i watch her all the time she is as gracefully as a swan and elegant has a highly trained ballet dancer.

I like the way she smiles the way she bites her lip i like her smile the fact that she talks in her sleep usually in the morning just before she wakes i don't mind the fact that she sometimes snores she can do no wrong and in my eyes she is perfection.


I want to take loads of photographs of her in every pose in every situation nothing tacky or tasteless but i just crave her pictures in colour black and white and sepia.
I do have some she as sent me to my mobile and i have some of her i have took on my phone but i want quality ones then i would like one transferring to canvas as big as possible to fill a wall or four separate pieces to make one large photo not sure what it would cost but i would gladly pay
a few hundred pounds for the right photograph.

Her Husband showed up at the flat he appeared on the intercom screen whilst i was at work she phoned him on her mobile and to speak to him and he didn't realise she was in the flat she told him that she was in town he must of thought it was getting just a random call she arranged to meet him in town the reason for the visit her phone plays up and she had missed eleven of his calls so he was pissed off.

She meet him at around twelve o clock i didn't her from her till six o clock when i was at work at my second job , H had gone to her mums with some flowers for the birthday she missed last week because she was ill her phone came back to life so she text me to say she was going to get a taxi to meet me at work and stay with me till i finished my shift at nine she arrived at around seven i have never been so happy to see someone.

H is going to o2 to sort her phone out if its the battery then not too bad, if its the phone it needs repairing all the hassle yesterday was because of dodgy technology and a dead mobile if she had speak to him when he called all the stuff what went down could have been avoided .
Every time something major happens its on a Monday i hate Mondays.

Went to the gourmet burger kitchen after work had a Thai burger a lime milkshake and a side order of fries.
and H had a chicken burger side order of sour cream and fries and a tea , neither of us had anything to eat all day.
Got taxi back to flat and went to bed.

Washing machine fixed and working yipee no more messing around with the head bag full of dirty clothes.

Bought a Brevil Sandwhich toaster and a blue neon lcd alarm clock from Argos worked the weekend seven o clock till one thirty.

Ellie a lot better after she had demolished three tins of prunes to make her go to the toilet she has had a viral infection and seeing that she wasn't sick and couldn't go to the toilet she couldn't get it out her system and was poisoning her inside luckily the prunes did the trick in around a hour the old remedies are the best

Hope fully today the washing machine dryer combo is fixed and working without flooding the kitchen.

Have had to take a couple of loads of dirty laundry and done them on a night it is hard work lugging a head bag through town to get your laundry done and getting it all dry but needs must.


Girlfriend is still poorly and is phoning the NHS direct she cant get a Dr's appointment and we are both worried that its not going away she as been ill since Tuesday morning we would put it down to the Norovirus but she as not got diarrhoea or has she been vomiting hopefully what ever it she as she is on the mend and its in the later stages don't want a sick Angel .

My wife got the letter from my solicitor regarding the divorce did speak to her on the phone and she seemed to have accepted what as been put forward i did say to her she could come up with a better solution to let me know ,but i cant see that she can , be nice if she did.

Girlfriend still poorly but is on the mend hopefully i have got to admit she took to her bed most of the day and never moaned i truly felt for her pain.She now needs to eat or try to eat and build her strength up.
Need to go and get a copy of my marriage certificate for the divorce proceedings obtainable at The Town hall for £7:00sometime asp.
Need to pay the poll tax which hopefully will get paid this Friday before the due date of 10/01/2008.
Need to pay some of the credit card minimum payment is £18:00 but will pay a lot more than that off it.
Need the washing machine dyer fixed should be this Friday fingers crossed .
Sent my Son and Daughter £60 each for there birthdays , the solicitor wants five hundred pounds up front to start the divorce .

Got paid from my Hospital job three weekends short which i worked in December my that months wage was estimated and no overtime was put on to it it should have been added to January's wage put for some reason it has not been which is more than annoying.

My girlfriend keeps getting text messages to go back home from her Husband she is poorly and getting stressed out hope she lasts we both knew it was going to be difficult some people are routing for us some think we are totally being stupid and can only see a couple having an affair
if she was to go back to him it would never be the same she does love me but if she was to return i would no way go back to my Wife i don't love her and on that basis alone i know it wouldn't work out.

Went to the solicitors to start divorce proceedings have mentioned that my wife can stay in the house until 2010 when my son is 18 years of age.

That when its sold i want half the profits that's in three years time if i don't loose my job my health or end up dead that will mean another three years wiped off the life off the mortgage so there is less to pay back to the building society and who knows how much house prices will have risen in that time.

Just know that its not going to be plain sailing i know she is going to kick off she wants to keep the house but some minor points wont allow her to , she does not earn enough money she works three hours per day paid employment Monday to Friday which is not enough to buy me out even if i didn't want any cash back she does not earn enough to take the mortgage on so they wont take my name off.

I work 7-30a.m until 16-00pm at my main job Monday to Friday then go to my second job at the Hospital from 17-00pm until 21-00pm Monday to Friday and thirdly i work at the Hospital 07-00am until 15-00 Saturday and Sunday which equates to 72 hours per week.

That's why i think i deserve my share there is things i need in my life security a car the wife kept the C2 and another house rented or mortgage its still to pay for, a holiday is a must not had one for going on four years , i have worked 7 days a week for eight years solid and its pay back time this is for me and i am asking for 50 - 50 split because i have put in 110% effort in over the 18 years of my marriage to get 50% return.

I am not bitter i, am not angry nor i am not unhappy , all i just want to is get on with my life doing the things i want to do, going out and visiting places when i want , to to eat drink what i want when i want to cook it , and bath shower and listen to music when i feel the need to , watch the things i want to on t.v and go to bed and get up when i need to and if i happen or get the urge and want to walk into town at 1-30am in the morning to get a kebab because i cant sleep and it kills a craving then i can.

Basically all i want is to have freedom of choice i imagine its like walking out from prison after serving 18 years and being over the moon to just be able to choose how you live your life even if its without life's luxury's or money not being told what to do not having demands made and orders barked at you , don't do this don't do that be home for this time no you cant go to pub no you cant go out with your mates for drinks after i finished work or even go for a curry on a the odd night in town with work mates.

Withdrawing £10 from the ATM then getting home and being quizzed on what i wanted a tenner for what i bought and wears the receipt and change.

I am now living life in my apartment the way i want to i have to spend carefully and try and save and carry on for the time being working the shifts and hours i do , but its buying the stuff i need me the things i want to carry on with my life two new cameras , DVD player, TV, hi-fi , clothes and shoes some other bits and pieces before i got quizzed when i bought some blank DVDs and Cd's from HMV.

I know i have A girlfriend and its less painful than being on your own i have a regular love life cuddles and kisses and someone to look after and for some one to look after me , to share things with go places with and talk about what has happened during the course of the day laugh and joke with be silly with , but at the end of the day i would be more happier on my own then in a loveless marriage that is going no where

Girlfriend is laid up in bed very sick and poorly at first we thought it was food poisoning but we now think its a bug viral infection she as very bad stomach pain and is feeling tired and sick.

Been trying to get appointment at the STD clinic and finally did get through yesterday i have been trying to phone since the Monday my wife opened her big mouth and said nasty things or implied things about me , phone lines have been off a week they have had some major problem with there phones they was always engaged when you called them but now sorted , anyway thanks to the ex wife's comments about me i am going to go get checked out concerning the herpes( strain 1) infection and no doubt anything else present will show up not that i am expecting anything else.

I have not add loads of sexual partners fullstop but in the last 19 years i have had sex with my wife and my girlfriend and no one else. My girlfriend is attending my appointment with me this is not till next Wednesday.

Got an appointment today with a solicitor to discuss my options and responsibilities concerning the house the kids mortgage etc etc ,what ever he says i have got to act upon as pleasant as it my be hopefully questions will be answered and paths laid out to follow.
I do know this all the money i have put into the house all the hours i have worked all the time i have spent fitting kitchens , laying floors , painting and decorating i do want and deserve percentage of the sale once its sold ideally 50%. This will financially sort me out for years to come get my name of the mortgage and give me options like to rent or buy.

For tea last night roasted some vegetables again in olive oil , parsnips, carrots, potatoes, and onions that we had for Sunday dinner to go over the top of this i did a hot chicken curry yum yum had to eat on my own H couldn't face anything , she requested that i bought her some lemons to make lemon tea seeing that i couldn't find any lemon tea to buy in the local shops and Tesco,s

Sick off all this rain got soaked walking to the night job at the Hospital bloody rainy Mondays but i did get one great and nice surprise my girlfriend and been to visit her Mother and afterwards called into where i work.
As i always work on my own so it was easy for her to call in after work she stayed until my shift ended st nine o clock afterwards she took us to the Slug and Lettuce got there at around 9.15 for a late tea/supper, 1 Cesar salad and a steak sandwhich half a lager and lime and a bottle of Magners later we headed home got a taxi back to the flat.

Bought the new single by Adele "chasing pavements" and three birthday cards and a book of 1st class stamps ,it's my Brother in laws birthday Daughters and Sons birthday all this week.

Got to go get a tattoo on my arm covered up asp its bugging me and its time it went west its the wife's name done in a blue heart so i do need a day off to go sort it out with my tattooist , atm i have no time due to me and no more holidays till April but might be able to get one of next week or the week after using some flexi time .

Got the credit card bill came in more i thought always forget some of the things i purchased but i had quite few expenses moving into the apartment bought a compact hi-fi.dvd player etc etc credit card standing atm at £1633 to pay and credit available £2,266 will pay more than the minimum amount but not sure how much might be able to pay £600 and pay the rest next month not going to use it i only had to because of the current situation letting agents wont take cash got to be debit or credit card so that added to the amount and of course Christmas and stocking up at Morrison's the first time initial visit when you have nothing in and everything as to be bought at one go cost £250 never mind what was spent at other outlets .

i will get it down in the next few months and once i get some cash from the house will pay more off the outstanding amount as well so its not all doom and glume got to watch the pennies for the next couple of pay checks though and not goon any major spending sprees.

Another weekend over worked two shifts with my girlfriend seven till three had haircut Saturday afternoon not impressed bad idea should have gone to where i normally go but it was 4 o clock Saturday afternoon had he had shut up shop ,but what the heck at least it will grow again and all be sorted in a few weeks my hair does grow quickly thank God.

My girlfriend bought her son the Assassins creed for the ps3 did not play so he kicked off cant blame him so we took that back and got a replacement fingers crossed this copy will be OK.

Bought a new oil burner for the flat and a bottle of essential oil called cannabis we smelt it first before we saw what it was called from The Yankee Candle did a bit of window shopping went to the Aire bar Sunday afternoon for dinner but the had stopped serving went to Tesco bought a frozen bag of roasted veg ,of parsnips , roast potatoes , roasted carrots and onions and some lamb and banged it all in the oven hour and half later had one of the nicest Sunday dinners i have ever had and we have still got loads of veg left and stored in the freezer for next time.

Then we both jumped in to the shower, i hooked the DVD player up to the TV in the bedroom and went to bed to watch the Michael Douglas film The Game at eight thirty we was both started nodding off so switched off the film and we slept until morning .

Bt want £124 to activate the phone line in the flat not sure i want to pay that much for the time i am going to be there line rental £11 isp £20 might get a wireless laptop and find out local hot spots for free access get half decent laptop for £399 so its a idea i am serious thinking about

Got to admit i do miss Ellie all of the time i love her to bits she makes the grey skies turn blue , she makes me laugh and smile on the inside as well as on the outside....She is a great cook looks after the apartment and me and there is nothing that i wouldn't do for her.


We will in the next few months look at getting a two bedroom house in Bramley or near to as possible to Bramley Rodlety, Farsley, Calverly depending on whats available at what quality and furnishings come with the property .

We decided a garden is a must for barbies and chilling out in the summer months and maybe if possible with off road parking as we do need to get a motor sorted out eventually.thinking it be nice to have a old stone Victorian terrace house with a cellar if possible cant beat a good sized dry cellar, a decent size kitchen if possible with a modern bathroom and double glazing central heating not asking much are we hehe.



We are both working this weekend not made any plans as of yet my Daughter as just text me wanting some cash for her birthday she is shooting of to Manchester Trafford Centre to buy some clothes this Sunday also its my sons birthday three days later so what i give one i have to give to the other the question is how much is enough i didn't really give them anything at Christmas but they was money saved already for that so they are getting a double whammy so i think £100 is more than fair,which will cost me £200 never mind cant take it with ya.

Made an appointment to see a solicitor next Wednesday got to see where i stand and what route to go down concerning the house atm i pay £600 a month which covers the mortgage i cant forever pay this amount there is another 18 years left to pay it is unrealistic i keep paying it, i need to get my name off so i could get another mortgage if i so wished i reckon we are looking at making £70k plus if we sell worth thinking about might not be for another few years but the writing is on the wall.

In the Apartment there has never been a BT line activated so if i want broadband i have to pay £126 activation installation fee seeing as i am only renting maybe for only another four months looks like i am going have to do with a Internet at the flat i am thinking of buying a laptop with a wireless card and using free wifi spots across the city http://www.thecloud.net/About-us/ or until we get a more permanent house or address