Helen went out to the Hays garden centre and bought a load of plants and green stuff for the garden Alan Tichmarsh would have been impressed

She also removed a load of grasses and bushes from her mum's house that they no longer wanted i finished work at nine and picked Helen from her parents and loaded the car to transport them home they are all now waiting to be planted in to our garden at some time soon weather permitting.

Helen requested a job doing , i have to put the pine wall unit we bought from the hospice on kitchen wall only two screws needed to fix it in place
thats after Helen has sanded it and waxed it, so all being well some time next month then.

Helen's appointment at the breast clinic went OK after the mamagram and ultra sound scan she was diagnosed has having had either a block infected milk gland or a cyst no treatment is necessary and of course its the perfect result we both wanted and prayed for , a pity it took over six weeks for her to get an appointment through which caused untold anguish and turmoil.

Meet Helen after her hospital visit in town just after three dropped her off at her parents house and i went to my hospital shift once the building put on my i-pod and speaker dock and knocked out some Enigma tunes.... the shift went a lot faster then other nights.


Went shopping at bought the counter game connect four........ yes i did get BEAT playing it hehe fair and square she whipped my arse it was after one clock in the morning in my defence.

Woke up happy , Helen was talking in her sleep and snoring just as i remembered hehe i wouldn't have it any other way she is back and that's what counts her tooth brush is back next to mine side by side like she promised it would be and she was good to her word ,

I now know she loves me as much as i love her and it will work for the both of us as we have both given up lots to get us to here and now, but also we have given and received a lot in return such as Love , honour and respect plus the big fact of wanting and needing each other and in my eyes it's more than a fair exchange....... we do have a nice home which gets more homely with each passing week , as more ornaments and items are being added , also we can now decorate and do some wallpapering we asked permission from the landlord and he agreed ............. someone once said to me when i left home and my wife , that the grass is not always greener on the other side i can tell you all it is ..........not only is it greener its more of a meadow with less weeds and nettles and i feel more like lying down in it rather than running through it.

Helen today goes for her appointment at the hospital to the breast clinic to get checked out and see what the problem is deep down i believe she is OK and does not need to worry.

Helen asked if we could a Jack Russell pup so we can talk it for walks by the canal and also so that it would be extra company for her for when i am at work i agreed with no objections , Helen as decided already that she would like a female dog and that the likely name at this time for it will be Penny i am more than happy and it will be well looked after and no doubt spoilt rotten.

All in all everything is coming good and by the end of today we will be in a better position regarding Helen's health concerns and scares ....... we still do need to buy a wardrobe and drawers which are now on the top of the list along with Penny.

SUNDAY

This morning at ten to two am i was still receiving text messages and returning them to Helen she basically said she be with me in hours and it was going to surprise me then she asked if we could buy a jack Russell pup i do love them so its not a problem and of course i said yes she text saying she loved me and she was coming home so i wait i went to sleep high i was buzzing i did not get much sleep i woke up before the alarm at 5.45 and when the alarm went off at 6-15 am i was already in the bathroom getting ready to go to work.

I worked until one o clock driving home i got a text saying no more texts i went on my pc i watched some F1 went back on pc had a lager had a coffee and time stood still every minute seemed a hour and in the end i left the house and went to a atm machine to withdraw some money............. i decided to drive to the canal i got out of the car and walked down the tow path only did 300yards i turned round went back to the car and returned home i noticed her Fathers car i pulled up and walked through in to the hall i saw her five carry bags on the floor to say i got emotional was a understatement i hugged her and kissed her i knew she was home for good and dreams do come true more than once in a lifetime . I know she loves me wants me and she as made her decision to be with me and as far as i am concerned i will never let her down...... she as put her trust in me more than anyone in my life time i will never let her down for at the end of the day with what and how do you replace a Angel.

We drove up to my sisters house for a coffee tried to wrangle Sunday dinner she was cooking lamb a very small lamb so it didn't work so we decided to go to the Wellington inn on Wetherby road to the carvery for Sunday dinner .

Afterwards went to see a good Friend at his house and his wife Helen had a few lagers Helen few vodkas and cokes got back home just before one and went to bed cuddling up to a Angel once again..................i am contented with what we have and the house we live in and the life we share we are managing it all very well and as far as i am concerned its the best its ever been ..

Got up to go to work start of another day without Ellie ouch at least i will be seeing her to day she is coming round to see the landlord this afternoon and tidy the place up not that there is anything out of place or in a mess i have kept it tidy and clean not eating helps keeps the dish washing down .
bought two hearts to place on the twigs will have to get some better ones.

Helen came just before half three and we talked hugged and kissed and i shed a tear i was cut up she means the world to me and i have done nothing but miss her since she left she has her appointment at the breast clinic Monday and i know its worrying her last night she spent at Flockton with a good friend of hers Sharon she had text me to tell me so when she rang me later on i knew where she was i do worry about her she told me she would see me today and i wen to bed a lot happier than the previous few nights.

we saw the landlord Helen asked if we could put up the pine shelving unit he said yes and Helen also if we could paint the kitchen he agreed and that if we could paper the bedroom wall he also agreed to this as long as we don't use a flock wall paper he was happy with how the house was and left us after around twenty minutes .

we went upstairs to discuss the bedroom wall we wanted to paper don't know why we had to decide which wall we wanted to paper whilst naked but we did so the signs are all good i hope.

But we will have to see what Monday brings i am with her all the way so she decides both our futures i honestly think she is with me i know she loves me that is not the question what she does is purely down to her ................i dropped her of home on the way she took some photos of me on her mobile phone......... on the way back i got some spare ribs and fries from the Chinese at Rodley and went home.......................Helen said she was going to her mums house to spend the night i asked her if she wanted to go for a drink to phone me than i said if she didn't want to go for a drink to phone me so hopefully tonight at sometime i get a phone call from a Angel

I did get a text of her on the way home with a picture of me which she took with her phone saying i " a do truly lov this guy x" WATCH THIS SPACE ....................

Yesterday was the first full day without Helen being there,and it was really hard harder than the first day , although we have been in touch via text and she did ring me she told me she did go to our home through he day for a coffee with her mother and brother which i was glad about , and it made me smile knowing that she wanted to return there , she feed the rabbit Button some dandelion leaves which no doubt made his day.

I got through work half heartedly if only i could live the next few days with out going to work it would be a lot easier work messes everything up , i want to go onto the canal at Rodley and just walk or ride my Bike Helen got me , and just chill look up at the blue skies listen to some music on my i-pod and think about Helen maybe do some reading look at photos and dream i know dreams come true mine did and i know fantasies can become reality i am still living them hopefully .............i know life is not easy and we all need someone special in our lives to share things with and to make our world a better place i am missing a Angel i will wait for her to fly home she can return any time she can the sooner the better every second is a hour and every hour a day and every day a week time drags when she is not with me and goes to fast when she is.

Went to Next clothes shop and bought a new jacket bought a couple of t-shirts for work and another ten pairs of black socks went to Debenhams and sprayed myself with angel perfume which is what Helen wears and i sprayed a card as well hope it lingers long .

We have long twigs that stand in a glass vase in the kitchen at the side of the dresser. Helen as already put a tin bird on there and a wooden heart and a fabric heart i will for every night/day that we are apart go out and buy either a heart ,a angel or a star and place them on the twig branches or a a candle i will do this until we are back together again.

Mick called with his wife Helen and stayed for a few lagers i ordered a pizza then well went to bed after midnight i got a call from my Helen which made my night.

I will be working this weekend OUCH ...i have got the landlord coming to visit to check the place out will have to finish at one on Saturday and might do the same finish on Sunday and go for that bike ride weather permitting .

Helen text me at work saying she was at her old house listening to Kanye West and was thinking of me and crying was a sad text to read..................got home to a empty house Helen had cooked a roast chicken and left it the fridge so i had made a chicken breast sandwhich with mayo and black pepper a coffee................i feed the fishes and i went outside to feed the rabbit Button i looked up and saw our three stars ............Helen left the house immaculate went up stairs and the bed was made thankfully she had not washed the sheets i told her not to i wanted to able to smell her with me she had done my washing and it was ironed on the bed for me to put away thank you baby........so far she has eased my pain she has text me all the right texts and messages and i do know she loves me and i know she will be back so very soon ....................... i got only a few hours sleep i woke up at four and never really got back off it was strange , the bedroom was too silent and quite , i could hear her bedside clock ticking away and the birds starting their morning song..... i heard no one snoring and talking in their sleep which made me feel sad and felt no body heat from the girl i love which nearly brought tears to my eyes , i miss cuddling her and feeling her next to me looking at her face whilst she is sleeping which i do every day ........................alarm went off and got up at 6-45am i woke her son Steve and we was both out of the house for 7-10 am after i had uncovered button the rabbit and feed him i got to work and received my first text of the day from my Angel Helen.............. she has got to go to a funeral today..... i went to one not long ago when i was living at my house and it made me realise live is short you only get one chance so be happy , and live every day as if it was your last live the truth not a lie , tell some one every day that you love them but only if its the truth....Ellie phoned me after the service and i asked her and she reassured me she is coming back and that is all i need to know..

Ellie leaves today to go back home but she will return and we will hopefully we will continue as one.

whilst we are apart we will stay in contact by email text and phone each other when we can .

it is not going to be easy and i will count the days down till we are together again received a white feather from her which meant a lot to me and its meaning.

so wait i will and miss her goes with out saying last night i will treasure for ever and hopefully they will be more to add to memories already made ..............................Ellie take care you are in my thoughts and in my heart always and i know that in the end we will move forward together.

the photo shows the message she wrote on the black board for me to read that we bought from ikea whilst living in the apartment we didn't use it till we moved into the Rodley address.

12.30

Helen sent me emails and text and she is saying and doing everything right and making it as easy as she can for me she is saying all the right things that i know come from her heart and i don't doubt her in the slightest and in my own heart i know we will be back together ASP .

15.30

Helen sent me a email she is leaving shortly our house and home at Rodley and is heading back to her old house ........Helen do take care baby heaven is with you hell is with out you and that's the way it will always be until you return safe

Tuesday

Got up this morning went over to kiss her goodbye as i was leaving for work when Helen said to me "what ever happens i love you" and " i will always love you" no matter what"............of course i asked her what had made her say that in the way she said it she said she still felt she had to go home to prove to everyone her marriage would not work and it might only be for a week De-javu or what its every other week we go through this and although i do understand her reasons i don't and cant understand the logic............. but if that what it takes and she is true to her word and its the final nail in the coffin and closes the subject once and for all then maybe it would be worth it...............

How i would last a week or longer without her by my side to laugh and joke with kiss and hug i don't know ...and would people criticise her for only giving it a week if that's all it was for... would it make life any easier i think not and i think it would be a big mistake and it would send a message of false hope and make matters worse than what they are know and she said to me she knows it wont work and her heart is not in it and she will return so why go .......its a tough one and i love her and i will always be here for her no matter what..... ....but within reason nobody wants to be in suspended animation i want her to be like the bonsai tree we bought yesterday stay forever green , never wilt with solid roots that are firmly embedded and strong to care for and to be natured on a daily basis forever more............. all i can say is watch this space its so hard at the moment after such a great few days together for this to go down hurts ten fold hope you realise what you doing to me girl .............trouble is i still love you and want you that wont ever change .

Yesterday went to Hebbdon Bridge did not st off until the afternoon got there just after dinner time the sun just came out as we got parked up.
Ended up buying a Bonsai tree have always wanted one it cost me £14.99 hope it does not die hopefully it will be round for years and me and Helen can watch it grow and bloom where ever we go it will go with us and its leaves will always be green and healthy fingers crossed that will be the case.

Helen bought a wire heart a fabric heart and a wooden heart to place around the kitchen with the other stuff she bought recently from our travels throughout Yorkshire .

Later on i visited my Son up at my house where i used to live i also got to see my dog Bandit dropped my daughter off for a interview fingers crossed she will get the job its working as a trainee hair stylist at a salon close to home .......... i picked up Ethel my gargoyle which i went out and bought it on the day on which my Mum died.

At night picked Helen up from her parents parked the car at home and walked down to the Canal and went to the Railway inn for a drink which is about half a mile up the canal we stayed for a pint had a talk then headed home.

Saturday we both went to work finished at three went home and packed a head bag for a night away in the Lakes Ambleside in Cumbria staying the night at High Loanthwaite farm which is a working farm which does B&B which was once owned by Beatrice Potter, that we found out about it on the Internet and phoned up to make a one night reservation.

We left Rodley at quarter past four after we had called into Gregg's and had a tea and coffee before setting off.The drive took us about two hours to reach Ambleside we found out where Hawkshead was then phoned the farm for directions ten minutes later we was in our room on the farm.


unpacked just the one case that night hit Ambleside town centre went to Tagore Indian restaurant had chicken in mango Helen had her normal chicken korma plus rice and poppadoms went to Churchill's bar hotel for a drink got lost on the way back the roads where well dark and everything looks the same with trees and stone walling every where you look any way did get back to the farm eventually Sunday morning had breakfast then drove and parked in Ambleside went up to saw the waterfalls walked to lake Windermere and caught the boat to Bowness which took just half an hour to complete the one way trip , once we disembarked we went round the town centre bought some hand made chocolates and truffles then had a coffee and tea at costas Helen does not do coffee at all....... after more walking about we then we got the return boat back to Ambleside to the car park where the car was then drove back to Leeds all in all it was a wicked time with a great girl and great scenery to boot.

today went over to Wetherby parked up and had a walk round the town centre i saw a hairdressers and decided to nip in for a hair cut i have to admit i was a bit skeptical but the lady that cut it did a decent job and i was more than happy with the end result so was Helen so once done we finished strolling round the rest of Wetherby and went back to the car and decided to drive over to knaresborough have not been there for ages got parked up no problem walked through the town to the Railway Station called in to the Mitre pub which is wine bar come hotel and restaurant for drink just half a lager and lime and half a cider , then walked down to the River Nidd followed the path along saw the house in the rock and all the different style of houses along the river bank eventually turned round and headed for the castle ruins took photos along the way got to admit i forgot how nice Knaresborough is and out of all the market towns near by Ilkley,Otley and Wetherby it is my favorite will go back once the weather is warmer and sunnier hopefully within the next few weeks .

yesterday finished work at dinner time Ellie called for me at the office and drove into town went to the o2 shop to see why her phone was barred from calling out or texting , got to pay the phone bill she had but for some reason it was not received at the accounts end so they barred her , would have been nice of o2 to call her before cutting her off..........afterwards went to buy some blank dvd discs then Helen took me to H,Samuel's and bought me a stainless steel watch on a metal bracelet and seeing that i don't have one it was greatly appreciated and totally out of the blue thank you Helen .......................today went to Casey's camping garden center at Poole Bank , i bought a red robin bush planting it for my dad who died today 23 years ago dear dad R.I.P ............and Helen bought a ceramic hen pot storage container for the eggs and a glass bottle on chain with a glass butterfly on the side that holds a night light its suspended of the pan rack in the kitchen...........Went to the White Hart at Poole pub restaurant we both had the home made tomato soup with peppers and bread followed by tagliatelle side order of Ceaser salad that came garnished with anchovies on top and a side order of fries .

Got home went to Asda to buy a spade and planted the red robin bush in the rain for Dad .

Got a cable router trying to set it up so far got it going but its unsecured cant configure it properly as i don't have the software so i don't know the http address for it to do it online so still might have to buy one .

Finished work at eight last night mainly just because i wanted to and felt the need get home early to see my loved one . seeing that i got all the work done early i headed off home just chilled did nothing put go online.

I have got this afternoon off as half a day,s holiday we going in to sort out Helen's phone its been playing up and its a nightmare as we rely on using our phone's all day every day its like losing your voice at the moment she can receive texts and calls to her phone but she cant text back or ring out so we are off to o2 to see what they can do .

Helen finally got her appointment at the breast clinic so all please all that read this say a pray for a good result and for her general well being thank you ........... i know i will.

Payday today and I break up to day i have one day to work in the next five which is on Saturday but i do finish at three which is like working half a day anyway yippee.
so all in all its not a bad day........

Still Reading Scar Tissue the autobiography of Anthony Kiedis from the Red Hot Chili Peppers and he describes his drug abuse and his addiction to different types of drugs smoking swallowing and injecting his main drug of choice China white heroin and other opiates. and no matter how much money he had before he was superstar he could always get a fix and get a high some way either by mixing drugs or using prescribed tablets or using plain alcohol or methadone or plain marijuana a fix was always in the pipeline and he could always manage his addiction and the fix he always craved ...


And it got me thinking what happens if the addiction is love and it the person whom you crave desire and need on a daily basis's then leaves by dying moving countries or just moves out and just ends the relationship for other reasons or simply that they have fallen out of love with you.



How do you fix your fix what do you do to replace lost love when your heart is aching torn in two how long does the cold turkey take for your feelings to wane and die if they ever .... do you go off the rails drink yourself into oblivion i know a few who have don't we all ......do buy a pet move house and change jobs ..........do you start to watch different movies and listen to different songs ......to start a new in everything you see and do one day at a time .......and if none of this works and you cant sleep at night , eat , or concentrate and have a serious lack of interest in everything else , and if all you do is to reminisce and day dream about her or him which was the love of your life then what happens next what does then fill the void its a tough one ain't it...............but who does not serious want to fall in love and risk everything and all for the love of good woman or man the answer to that is of course all of us.................the only solution is when you find the person you truly love do everything in your power to keep it alive to keep it true and keep it real .............never get tired of holding hands hugging and kissing and whispering i love you 100 times a day but must of all do it because you mean it and because you want to and always speak the truth be honest and show respect at all times hopefully the love then wont fade and die .........

Monday
Nothing going on today apart from work and missing a certain loved one....... i have got leave all day Thursday and Friday this week we are working Saturday then have got all day Sunday and Monday off. Got to make some plans not sure where or what we are doing but we are wanting hopefully to stay over for a night or two somewhere relaxing with nice views shops and walks with a bar that sells Pear cider and with a decent restaurant close buy...

Taxman screwed up...... put my tax code up so i am paying an extra £100 a month in tax due to the fact they say i owed them £1230 from the sale of the house which as already been paid they looked into it and have agreed it is a mistake they will adjust it back and pay the money back next month you get seven days if you owe them money that's fair and reasonable then .

Cancelling my pension scheme at the hospital getting the money i have been paying in the forms i need are being sent out will leave it another month then claim it back should have enough money to buy a laptop for someone i love to use as her own machine.

I was going to go into town to buy scary movie on DVD but it started to rain just as i was setting of so the trip to town got cancelled.

Discovered last night the beauty of Itv2 catchup its better that i thought it would be Helen got three episodes of Katie and Peter to catch up with.

I still need to buy a wireless cable router and a printer then the computer should be all sorted out nothing lacking apart from blank DVDs and Cd's paper and ink .

The weekend in general went like this Friday night finished work got a video text half hour before i left work from Ellie saying she was at home cooking tea which was a nice one and it did cheer me up.

After finishing work Saturday and the sun was out and the sky was almost blue we went home for a brew and to get changed decided to go over to Scarborough for fish and chips and to see the sea as the saying goes got there around six o clock parked up on Marine Drive as we left the car it started to rain Ellie went in to a pound and bought a umbrella for a quid..... soon as we left the shop and gone two hundred yards it stopped raining and the sun came out as we hit the beach took a few photos and headed towards the Spa end of the beach that's when i realised i had left the lights on the car oops turned round to go back to switch them off.................went to the Golden Grid fish restaurant just opposite the harbour of course we had fish and chips with tea mushy peas for Helen's order and baked beans with mine with tea and bread and butter for desert Helen had home made apple pie and custard i had chocolate fudge cake with ice cream.

Saturday
Went back on the front called in to a few amusement arcades tried to win on the lift and grab machine no chance then had a pencil sketch done in the drawing photo booths i looked half pissed and as always the case Helen looked fab........ beauty and the beast i looked like i was in no fit state to drive home well worth the two quid and got a extra copy for another quid will cut me off it and just have sexy Ellie on............................. then walked back to the car went home.

Sunday
finished work went to Staples with Helen's son he bought a HP laptop at a good price and spec i wouldn't mine one for Helen not that i would swap hehe i know she wants one will have to sort it out somehow her pet insurance has just gone up which doesn't help her cash flow .
At night went to the 6 Acres again to the carvery Helen had three giant Yorkshire puddings that's one more than what a pig would eat well done Helen ....... i was impressed with all the trimmings veggies and two meats (she did leave the beef a bit tuff ) followed by jam sponge and custard i just had a small portion of veg cheese and biscuits

woke up Thursday morning looked at Helen and decided not to go to work was not a hard choice to make Helen or work Helen or work hehe so the choice was made at the end of the day i am only human , i had to have the day off so i phoned work to organize it it was not a problem like they had any choice

Helen's mum fell and broke her wrist and some bones in her foot on Wednesday afternoon and ended up in accident and emergency department and is now resting at home for the next six weeks .

Helen bought some Heart shaped decorations for the house from a local florist shop a metal one and a wooden one which hangs on the bedroom door and some fresh cut flowers and a metal pig with coloured flowers on it which sits in the kitchen window .

I dropped her off at there house so she could go shopping with her father , when i did we picked these two bikes up from her parents house got them both for thirty pounds we have been wanting to cycle alone the canal bank since we have moved house , got them both in the car boot after we had inflated the tyres i dropped them off at our house and gave them a clean whilst Helen went shopping.

Picked Helen up reached home and went down to the canal with the bikes did alright did a couple of miles before it started to rain it was all very scenic and green the Canal bends and turns and they was quite a few barges and narrow boats in the short journey that we cycled we saw a sign for Liverpool 120 miles one day maybe hehe as the rain got worse we turned round and headed for home.

Bought a cream coloured metal wrought iron Victorian love bench as Ellie described it for the garden i told her to scratch her name in to its surface so it will always be there as a memento hopefully she will also got a couple of solar powered lights for the garden will try the lights out and if they are ok will buy a few more.

I couldn't get out of going to my evening job so i had to go to work at five o clock until nine which at least went fairly fast and it helped that the weather was dark and rainy when i left home.
When i got home at nine Helen had cooked a home made lasagna with fries and garlic bread started to watch the series cold feet fell asleep got the full set to watch should only take a year at this rate of 20 minutes viewing a night.

Phoned my son up told him i loved him and i hopefully Will see him next week its been hard with working from seven thirty till nine and every weekend he is fifteen and he understands he sounds happy and doesn't seem phased out he spends a lot of time staying at his mates house and his weekends are usually fully occupied with things to do or his mate stays at his house either way he has a good social life is doing well at school and is taking over looking after my dog Bandit for me .

My Daughter continues to take driving lessons she is on her fifth lesson is planing her Holiday at the end of May and starting college in September so she should be sorted she still with her boyfriend whom she has been with for couple of years.

Not heard anything from my solicitors regarding my divorce so no idea what is happening not heard anything from my X's solicitors so again i have no idea i know it will all be rolling on and will conclude one day.

Have got the full box set of the series cold feet on DVD to watch over the coming weeks be a few hours of viewing to watch in all , i did watch the original series and i don't think i missed one episode but cant be sure.

Helen still not got her appointment through for the clinic and its been over three weeks and seems like forever hopefully this will be sorted over the next few days she asked me to go with her which i am glad she wants me at her side and i thank her for asking me she knows i care and that i am there for her.

Finally back online the Internet is go thanks virgin, took some sorting out but got there in the end and it connected fine and we are now back surfing the web...it has been over five months since i have had a connection at home and i have to admit its a nice feeling and a sense of not being as isolated any more , although lucky have a Internet connection at work everyone needs a home connection these days don't we.
Have also got the cable TV and cable Internet running together using a splitter and its all working fine so no hiccups.

Need to get some passport photos done for my new driving licence i sent my old one to the DVLA for change of address and they sent me a letter saying i have to have a photo license instead of the paper version which is more wallet friendly why do i need to get four photos done in the photo booth when all i need is one .


EMAIL received from Helen she sent it using the new Internet connection late last night she sent it to my email address at work which i opened this morning it read as follows .....................love you loads never leave 831 babe wi u all the way xxxxxx ...... when i read it this morning it did make me happy and it did set my long day up nicely and its all i needed to know so thank you babe and ditto.

Thank you Sharon for the TV hope Helen doesn't put her back out moving it she is stronger than she looks all five foot one of her ..................something else to sort out when i get home wires every where

Friday

Finished work at nine o clock after spooky going on's kept getting goosebumps and shivers kept seeing things from the corner of my vision pink in colour was Glad to get out ................ i picked Helen up from the house at Rodley then drove over to the Apartment at Clarence Dock it seemed rowdier than when we lived there , one of the lifts still not working went up to the Apartment Helen has not been back since we left we checked each room and the vies we use to look out on and it seemed that we lived there years ago rather than a few weeks , it does hold happy memories we spent our first Christmas there Helen's birthday and new year there also our first valentine day together we use to walk to work at the hospital through town......................what we have now with a house is 100 times better and i don't think even if i had to that could i live in that Apartment again its a lot less stressful living where we are.



Saturday

Helen and i worked until three o clock went home for a cuppa got changed drove over to Harrogate didn't stop then went on to Ripon parked up it started to hail stone paid for parking didn't stay set of back to Leeds went to Aberford had a drink and booked a table for the following Saturday night.

drove to Leeds city centre was intending in dining at Piccolinos Italian restaurant got there at eight o clock only to be told it was full..........decided to drive over to Yeadon to the fish and chip restaurant Murgatroyd's both had fish and chips of course Helen had peas i had curry .
Went to the Greyhound pub at Tong had a pint was driving so could only have the one .


Sunday
both of us went to work until three Helen bought me breakfast from the canteen later on had to go get new id badges done i wont say my photo was better then Helen's yes i will because it was hehe , my sister brought us round a portable TV don't know where its going and it needs tuning in its in the spare room for now.

Went to visit my Nephew Mark and his partner Sue they only live around 15 minutes away from us stayed around a hour before we left , we had planned on going to get a Sunday dinner from a carvery we ended up going to the Elmwood off Calverley Lane looked really nice as we drove up but all the food is microwaved and reheated from frozen i did not know this when i had ordered we both had bangers mash and Yorkshire puddings and it was ok if it had been bought on the frozen section of Asda and done at home but not from a restaurant , Helen was not impressed.

Headed over to Cookridge went to High Farm pub Helen use to live on the estate and go to the pub when it was first built its changed some what not the nicest friendliest pub in Leeds from there went to Woodies on Otley Road just had a pint then headed home started to snow.

Monday
Went to work late stayed in bed snuggled up to Ellie hate Mondays but this Monday a lot better then last Monday how it hurts when your in love truly madly deeply.
should get my Virgin broadband activated tonight when i get home from work at nine o clock
and i should get the tv channels freeview d box sorted out as well that's another two things off the list of things to do Vegas and pink stockings still at the number one spot , but that's a different story for the future fingers crossed it will happen one day.

Helen text me to tell me the rabbit Button is now using his litter tray.

Do need to get a wardrobe and chest of drawers sorted out and alter the bedroom around to accommodate the new furniture do need get rid of the suitcases off the floor so looks like another trip to Ikea is on the cards some time soon.

Very boring day at both jobs they both dragged but i did get to go home at dinner time which broke the day up very nice especially as i got to see my loved one , it was running around the conservatory when i got home Helen had let it out of the hutch only joking Helen i got to see you you are the one i love the most as if you didn't know.

went home to sort out cable TV see if i could get other programs using a digital box got it up and running with all the channels so now we know its working will have to get one sorted out asp so we can watch living TV , most haunted and Peter and Jordan and the music channels etc etc .

Booked three nights off work Wednesday 16th ,17th , and 18th of April might have to book days of Thursday and Friday as well and make the most of it .

Was hard going to work last night as its started to get lighter and warmer on a night and the sun was shinning most of the day , i really wanted to go home to Helen and sit out and chill hope she understands that i do hate every minute that work takes my time away from her although its not going to be for ever. And i am grateful for the time i do spend with her a few months ago i didn't even share a home with her and i only i saw her for one hour a day which if she had not put the effect in then that would not have happened i see her every day and my love keeps growing i am well and truly addicted and i wouldn't mind overdosing on her one little bit .

Going back to the apartment for the first time tonight with Helen not to sleep just for pleasure and fun and to chill hehe then we are heading of back to the House.

Shopping list for dinner time shopping is cherries and cream yum yum .

Have moved desk recently to the left hand corner of the office have wanted this window seat for ages for about the last five years
all Hannibal Lecter wanted was a cell with a window and since the person who used to sit here retired through ill health it became vacant hence why i am now here.

Bought REM greatest hits yesterday from Zavvi for £4.00 remember listening to losing my religion for the first time years ago and it got me hooked . i keep getting the urge for some reason to buy some Beatles and Rollin Stones Cd's so far i have not but for some reason its in the back of my head.

For tea last night Helen cooked chicken breast in mango and sweet chili sauce with sweetcorn and peas with new potatoes , followed by home made egg custard which i have never had before but got to admit i did enjoy it.

Helen mentioned that by the time i get home at nine o clock each night that's Monday to Friday we only see each other in effect for three hours , that's if we go to bed at midnight which is never the case.

But she is with me every minute of every hour throughout the day , i look at her picture on my desk constantly i have her on my pc i have her on my pen drive i must get a picture for my wallet i have photos of her and us on my phone .

Even when i walk into town and pass shops and bars and restaurants we have eaten in drank in and shops we have bought from , she is with me ,when i am driving in my car she is at my side when i listen to Galaxy radio and every text message i receive and send , along every picture message we send to each other her essence is with me and every time i write this blog or she reads it she is with me and i with her.

I sleep next to her and wake up with her every night and every morning , i work the hours i do so i can be with the person i love the most its the price at this
time , that i have to pay and i am more willing to do it because needs must , but i do miss her physical presence but she touches my heart soul and my inner karma and is in my mind and thoughts 24/7 where ever i am and what ever i am doing she is there .

But must of all every time we send each other 831 which equates to 8 letters , three words , 1 meaning .... i love you.

Just been online to Starbucks web site why does a coffee shop sell bloody tea for , mind you pubs now sell coffee and the like but one thing Starbucks don't sell is milk shakes which i got told they did lol ........................

Got caught signing in and out at the same time at work on my five to nine shift , got to be a good lad now at least for a while anyway i got away with it for a good three months , i was only leaving slightly early but ever minute helps when you cant wait to get home to see the most loveliest woman in the world waiting there there when i walk through the door .

Thought i was going to get my arse kicked got a text from Helen over something she had read on this blog thankfully she was joking with me , she is so funny she has me in stitches.

Got the virgin broadband stater kit it arrived Monday yesterday we got the pin number we should have had a start up cd it was in the list of contents but not in the box phoned Virgin been told we don't need it yet cannot connect to the Internet once i had set the modem up as the instructions said page not loading its dead. when i rung them i now find out that i cant activate my modem till after the 6th of April waited this long.


Helen cooked the duck we bought Saturday night for tea last night we had it with hoisin sauce noodles and stir fried vegs, mushrooms , onions was gorgeous she had shredded the duck once it had cooked and she served it up with prawn crackers i bought two bottles of pear cider which we had with the meal posh or wot the duck did not die in vain .The rabbit is next ..................o/j

A Angel now reads this blog so i better be careful what i write as i don't want to offend her or she will slap my arse , she is more than likely Reading it as i type this hehe............... love you lady.

Yesterday i went to work after saying goodbye to Helen i got to work and i couldn't think so i left work just after ten and drove over to Roundhay Park to chill out and get my head together.
whilst i was heading round the big lake i was thinking off the time we had been together what we had done the place we have lived at for three days the only place we had to live was at the travel lodge in Leeds city centre the apartment at Clarence dock we moved into on the 21st of December 2007 .

I called Helen or she called me i cant remember and i told her what i was going through she told me to return home which i did i got back just before twelve , she was doing all the ironing which had piled up including all my stuff as well she stopped to make me a drink and sandwich , we talked cried and hugged all afternoon she told me she loved me again and that she wouldn't forget me and would return at some point , at four thirty i left for work at the Hospital she asked if i would call her once i arrived so she know i had got there OK ,this i did she later text me saying not to ring or text she was speaking to her husband over at her house. i knew she was not coming back and i knew i had to be brave and carry on as best as i could.

So i made plans in my head to go home go for a walk bring the rabbit back inside we had just put him out the day before in the garden.... then to cook tea shower and go to bed this was at five thirty and at 8:18 pm i received a text of Helen she never made the house after i left for work she couldn't leave she asked her husband to cal to visit her instead and basically she has stayed with me as she loves me and cant leave me i rang her to double check i had understood the message correctly and check where she was she assured me she was with me and wasn't going back home was in with me i felt i had won the lottery i was happy , glad buzzing and had tears in my eyes.

I drove home where she was cooking a curry for tea i held her, kissed her , hugged her and told her how much i did love her and that i will never leave her or cheat on her that i would never do anything to jeopardise what she has given up to be with me and that i will keep my promise till the day i die and i know i will as i love her too much to do anything else. ALL I WANT IS YOU..


I am playing for keeps everything i want and need in a woman she fulfills ten times over and more she is not replaceable no one even comes close in a room full of beautiful woman she shines i would only have eyes for her .For some reason all issues anything that occurs and usually anything bad that's going to happen or has happened has always been on a Monday , Bob Geldoff just might have had a valid point.........

FRIDAY

Helen's son stayed over for the very first time Friday night i picked them both up from her mums house after i finished work , seemed to go ok he spoke to me and genuinely seemed to accept the situation and it was not as awkward as i thought it would be, Helen was chuffed and she slept with him in the spare bedroom.

SATURDAY

Finished work at one o clock to meet my daughter , to give her some money i had been promising her and she bought herself a firetrap jacket and a pair sunglasses

Saturday night went to the Phoenix rugby club at Bramley for Jenny's 21st birthday party Helen's mother and father was there and Sharon Helen's cousin whom i meet for the first time pity clocks the clocks moved forward an hour had about three hours sleep who wants to go to sleep when your with such a gorgeous lady as Helen.

SUNDAY

Finished work at three went home made Sunday dinner we cooked a joint of pork with sweet potatoes parsnips done in maple syrup butter squash and potatoes done with garlic butter.

Went to st john the baptist church at Adel for the evening service the very first time Helen has ever been inside its doors as she had only ever played in its grounds when she was a little girl .

Then we drove over and visited kirstall Abbey called into her parents house for tea and coffee then went to the Abbey inn in Bramley and over to the New Inn at Farsley.

In bed that night Ellie dropped the bombshell she wanted to back home to prove to every one even though she would try her marriage was over and she would return to me and it might takes days to a few weeks i was gutted i had about another three hours sleep six to seven hours in two days i was in a turmoil and did not want morning to come.