Tuesday

Got up this morning went over to kiss her goodbye as i was leaving for work when Helen said to me "what ever happens i love you" and " i will always love you" no matter what"............of course i asked her what had made her say that in the way she said it she said she still felt she had to go home to prove to everyone her marriage would not work and it might only be for a week De-javu or what its every other week we go through this and although i do understand her reasons i don't and cant understand the logic............. but if that what it takes and she is true to her word and its the final nail in the coffin and closes the subject once and for all then maybe it would be worth it...............

How i would last a week or longer without her by my side to laugh and joke with kiss and hug i don't know ...and would people criticise her for only giving it a week if that's all it was for... would it make life any easier i think not and i think it would be a big mistake and it would send a message of false hope and make matters worse than what they are know and she said to me she knows it wont work and her heart is not in it and she will return so why go .......its a tough one and i love her and i will always be here for her no matter what..... ....but within reason nobody wants to be in suspended animation i want her to be like the bonsai tree we bought yesterday stay forever green , never wilt with solid roots that are firmly embedded and strong to care for and to be natured on a daily basis forever more............. all i can say is watch this space its so hard at the moment after such a great few days together for this to go down hurts ten fold hope you realise what you doing to me girl .............trouble is i still love you and want you that wont ever change .