Went to view the house last night went to the Barge pub before we went to view, got to the house for seven had a good look round it has a cellar and a conservatory which i didn't know about every bedroom is a decent size just what we want and need,made an offer will find out tonight at seven if we have it or not if fate is smiling and we get it we can move in next weekend.

Went to my Sisters on the way back home from there we went to Brett's fish restaurant at Headingley i had plaice Ellie had haddock after we had finished there i decided to drive to where i use to live . we then went for a drink near Temple Newsham we then we drove to where she use to live and finally went home.

Today got the new owner log book back for the car. At dinner time i went to the post office and paid the the outstanding poll tax bill i owed £219.64p ouch, never mind the joys of living in England , Ellie has to go back to her house to look after her son this afternoon until nine o clock tonight when her Husband returns from his shift she will then she gets a taxi back to the apartment fingers crossed she wont be stressed out , upset or hurting.We are both planning on working this weekend.

Phoned up about a three bedroom house in Rodley lovely bathroom , large kitchen living room and a terraced garden at £650 a month which is more than we are paying now but it's just what we want ,we have a viewing Thursday night, but there is other people also viewing over two days , and no doubt he will pick the most suited to his needs we will just have to fight our corner and put a good case over as too why he should rent to us. We need this house it will be more of a home we can get a couple of bicycles and ride on the canal bank and pedal for miles at least it will be mostly flat and have barbques outside in the back garden we will also get some out door lanterns and night lights and drink iced cider and eat burnt sausages and burgers fingers crossed for us.


The Laguna has been stood since Sunday night went to work early to give it a run did not think that is was going to start but it did ,took it out for 20 mins to warm the engine and put a bit of charge in to it , when its cold it cuts out don't think i am using the automatic choke correctly or it might need some wd40 to stop it sticking ,but once its warms up it runs great not sure if i need a new battery will speak to the mate i bought it of and ask him his opinion, if we do move from the apartment its going to be heavy on juice i might need to look at getting something more economical to run it will cost me i reckon at least £50 a week in petrol which is way too much .

will trade it in on a newer Corsa or Fiesta will have to see if we get this house first then decide.

Was two years ago yesterday that my Mother died i thought about her most of the day and i think she knows that i have left my wife and kids and why i had to be with Ellie . I honestly believe that i have her blessing and that she is happy for me and hopefully she is guiding me and Ellie to make the right moves and decisions in our life together.

Still waiting for the endowment money to be sorted out getting a bit irritated now if i get the money before i go view the house we are after it puts us in a better position i can pay three four months rent in advance it will make a good levering point if i needed to.

Yippee Ellie is still with me she did not leave to go back home , there can be no going back for either of us we are together any problems that lie in our way we will have to sort out whilst together.No women as given up so much to be with me i wont let her down ever so knows i am playing for keeps my love is all for her and i will do everything i can to keep her happy.



She went to look at two and three bedroom houses we have decided that is the next step on the ladder getting out of the city to somewhere with an upstairs a garden and near some woodland and wildlife trying not to be too far from a canal or waterway.the rent is more or less what we are paying out for the apartment anyway and we be away from the bars and restaurants and no doubt wont be as tempted to go out.


We ate the shepherds pie together did some oven chips whilst watching most haunted after i got home from my shift at around 9-30 , and washed it down with two bottles of pear cider then went to bed a very happy man.

Finished work Friday at four no working the night shift at the Hospital i had the night off.

Went over to Crofton to see Ellie's brother for the very first time meet him and his wife had a coffee we did get lost on the way there AA route planner not that clear , then from there shot over to Flockton to meet some other of Ellie's other friends Sharon and Steve went to their local had a bar meal only had two pints of lager shandy drove back to Leeds got home at around midnight.


On Saturday we both worked 07-00 - 15-00 shift after we finished work we walked into town i meet my Daughter and her friend I paid for them i Chinese meal at N01 buffet and left them after we had been round Currys looking at cd players laptops and flat screen tv's for her bedroom.


Saturday night went for a Indian meal to Akbars's on Greek street we meet up with Sharon and Steve from Flockton they dropped us back at the apartment spent the rest of the night doing nothing Ellie dropped the bombshell she was going back home to the house and her son and husband on Monday , i thought she meant permanently but no she as stuff to sort out and should return in a few days she leaves this afternoon and i feel my heart being split in two she has promised she loves me and wants to be with me and will return to me , and i honestly do believe her,so i have to give her time and room and the trust to do this as her son is only twelve and for a couple of days needs his Mum , and although i don't like her going back to her house i have no choice and i cant stop her, if she feels this is something that she has to do and hopefully by Wednesday, Thursday at the latest she will return so watch this space i will just have to get on with work cleaning the flat top to bottom and sleeping alone for the next few days and nights.

She as cooked me a large shepherds pie made with lamb mince , a quiche to keep me going i can cook and wont starve.

going to the Aire bar for a drink before she leaves sometime this afternoon.

Now a car owner once again went to the post office got twelve months tax went to the petrol station and put £25.00 of petrol in the tank the joys of motoring.For our first Valentines day Ellie bought me a out of this world photo frame with a picture of her self she did at Click photo booth last weekend it was meant for my office desk but i treasure it too much to leave it at work so its staying in the flat she also bought me "for the one person i love " coffee cup and a silver heart shaped padlock with key which represents the key to her heart .

Went to the White Rose shopping centre bought some brown leather trainers from Next and some more boxer shorts.Ellie bought some brown leather cow girl boots and a leather bag to match from River Island and Faith's.



Visited St Marys church to leave some flowers carnations and Lillie's on the grave of Ellie's late Grandmother.

Went to Country Baskets and bought some candles and glass candle holders the largest one burns for 96 hours.

Went to the Aire Bar for a valentine meal had garlic bread with cheese to start then a steak with peas mushrooms and tomatoes , bottle of white wine , chocolate cake with ice cream set price twenty five pounds per couple.
No work tonight finish at four o clock so might wander in to town have a few drinks and tea somewhere in town fish and chips would be nice.

Arranged to go to the Aire bar for a drink at dinner time with Ellie,was going to meet her in the lobby but i had to dispose of a corpse we have a large goldfish bowl with seven fish swimming happily around and around , one decided to see if it was a flying fish and during the night it must have jumped out and it landed in Ellies bag which was left open on the table near to the gold fish bowl and she only noticed it when she was going to leave to come and meet me ,so i had to go home and flush it down the toilet i did three flushes just to make sure it wouldnt pop back up.



We then went to the Aire bar we sat out on the balcony and noticed the police divers still searching the water for the body of the man Gavin Terry whom went missing on the 11th Jan 2008 he was last seen on cctv near the Leeds bridge vacinity but as yet no word where he is .Booked a meal for Valentine night will try and seek out of work 15 minutes early so we can dine at around 9-30.

Had a great tea waiting for me when i got home when i finished work from the hospital shift at nine o clock,home made black bean stir fry with all fresh ingredients made with fresh steak vegatables and noodles on the way home i got two bottles of pear cider and a box of sharwoods prawn crackers , got to admit first time i have had noodles it and was one of the best chinese meals i have ever had full marks to Ellie .

Have bought the 2.0L Renault Laguna for £600 from my work mate although i have not give him the cash he is prepared to wait until i get the endowment money which should be this week fingers crossed it has 80000 miles on the clock and i have already insured it third party fire and theft at a cost of £421.

Since i have been married i have been a named driver on the ex's insurance so i am starting from scratch anyway no point moaning on about the cost of motoring either got to payor its buses for life.Own motor again is a nice thought i have always used the family car but not through the week use to hate waiting for the bus home it was always hit and miss.

I should be mobile by Thursday depending on how fast they send the insurance documents so i can tax the car its mot until July by then i should have traded it in for something newer hopefully.

Had to take the leather jacket back to River Island they had left a security tag inside the pocket every time i would have been shopping i would have set the alarms off so better to get it taken off.
Ellie's knees both out in bruises from the ice skating episode on Friday we have been asked to go to the ice rink on Sunday after work i don't think we should bother if she hurts her knees again she would be suffering all over again she also hurt her back and some how strained her stomach muscles. She as not paid her mobile phone bill so she as been cut of till she settles the amount owing she can receive texts and calls so its not too bad hopefully it will be paid on Thursday so we will hopefully both be mobile again.

My Sisters cat Coco died as its liver and kidneys was shutting slowly down and they finally stopped working altogether it died at home and she was 15 years old and both my sister and her Husband where both gutted.
It use to sleep on the bottom of the z-bed on my feet when i use to sleep in the downstairs back room i was living there during the split with my wife.

Friday night Ellie went over to Bradford with her ice skating and ended up damaging her knees hand and general aches and pains throughout her body.She bought some dark brown hair colouring as she is dyed blonde i thought it odd until she mentioned it was for me so Friday night at eleven o clock i am in the bathroom getting my hair coloured.To be fair i like it its a few shades dark then my natural colour and it does look well.On my way home from work i called in to Morrison's for a few bits and pieces and bought her some flowers for doing my ironing.

Worked Saturday till one thirty Ellie did not go in to work and i called back to the flat and walked back in to town with Ellie she was still suffering but not as bad, the tablets she takes kicked in and did the trick . I did meet up with my Son and he wanted to visit the Royal Armouries again, we have been on numerous occasions it never use to bother me but when i got back home and saw Ellie i realised all we saw and read about and all the displays are just about man killing man and it bothered me i don't think i will go back again or if i do it will be in a very long time.

Sunday went to work until twelve o clock left work and the sun was blazing the sky was blue walked back to the flat called in to Curry's and bought 1 gig xd memory card , showered got changed and walked in to the city with H, went to the Mosaic open market to look at the craft stalls then walked up to River Island when i bumped in to my Daugther who was with two of her mates.

From River island i bought three pairs of jeans and a black leather bomber jacket . bought Ellie some jeans and a shirt and jumper , then went to Next bought some black boxers Ellie bought me a black leather jacket we then went across to Boots i needed to get some lotions and potions to sort out my feet to sort out my nails and hard skin not my best feature.

In the evening went to the City Palace pub for a pint then went to Aagrah Indian restaurant had starter mixed kebab H had onion bahjees then we both had main dish with four chapatis and two deserts plus two drinks all in for £34.00 , left went to the Aire Bar then went home to bed.

Not sure what to do about meeting son this weekend hopefully we are still on to meet this Saturday afternoon , last weekend he cancelled at the last minute after i finished work early.
I think he finds busing it in to Leeds too much he does not like change and him trailing in to Town if he is in the wrong frame of mind is just too much hassle and he just wont bother.

Buying a Renault Laguna 2.0 litre RS five door hatch for £600 from work buddy hopefully some time in the next few days its getting a full service and has a decent mp3/CD player fitted which alone cost the best part Of £300 to buy and fit when it was new and if i keep it 6 months and trade it in when we get a house i wont loose any money on it.


Helen wants me to go ice skating with her i have only ever been once before and it was a total disaster couldn't even stand up never mind move across the ice so it should be fun but might have to put it on ice hehe hate pain don't want a numb bum thank you.


Had pancakes last night with maple syrup i went and bought H Blue Lagoon on DVD she had it on video years ago but it got thrown out at her request i bought for her again got it from HMV for a fiver was not that bad i have never seen it before. Got a few chick flicks now 50 first dates , sliding doors ,10 days to loose a guy , ghost and a few others i cant remember the names of

Last night worked until 9 0 clock but it is starting to drag its too much time and i have everything done by eight o clockish , i dare not reduce my hours my as my main Monday to Friday job is a bit up and down at the moment and the threat of redundancy is at a all time high but this could take at least a year plus to sort out and there is always the redeployment option and if i did have to really on the Hospital job as my only source of income i will need all the hours i can get.

Finished work picked up H went to the pub went to the Palace near Leeds Parish Church then on to the Aire bar till throwing out time only had time for a couple of ciders but it broke the day up cant just work and sleep too much like being married.

Looking and seriously thinking of going with t-mobile for the mobile broadband option at £29.00 a month coverage is suppose to be good where i live if i need to job hunt and send emails i will need a Internet connection that's my reason any way and i am sticking to it.

I leave the apartment at @ 7-15 am i go back at 10-00am to see H, as i only live 2 Min's from where i work

I go back to work for 10-20 am i go back at 12-00 to see H and go back to work at 12-30 pm i finish at 16-00 pm and see H, i pick up my bag and uniform and leave at 4-25 pm for the Hospital until 21-00pm , i then get home for around 21-30 and see H , i text her up to 15 times a day , so why o why do i miss her so much for very second that i am away from her , i don't like it i feel insecure i think my bubble is going to burst and that i will be miserable forever more if she was to leave me to go back home for the sake of her kids for any other reason.

I prey to God she wont i and i don't expect for one second that she will or would ever leave me high and dry and i know she thinks the same about me what if i was to go back to my wife , or when i do meet up with my kids and they beg me to go back home .

I know she loves me as much or equal to how i love her, and i know she like me can not go back too much as happened too many changes which would come back to haunt her if she did or i did too many skeletons in the cupboard

Friday had day off went to the tattooist to get the x- wife's name covered it was her name done in the form of a blue heart i badly needed it gone it was starting to bug and it was a constant reminder my wedding ring i took off when i left the tattoo was something else anyway mission accomplished it is now covered and deleted and forever not to be seen again.


Friday night my sister called and took H and me over to Ikea we have been trying to get over for the last couple of months we bought a big black wall clock a oak veneered bookcase , a wok , 4 pillows and 4 cases to go on the settee, some glass spice jars a bar stool to go in the kitchen area and a fisherman's wicker basket for storage purposes which will hold odd and soda and a cream rug for the side of the bed.we really wanted a metal coat stand for the hall way they had sold out bloody typical the coats remain on the bedroom floor behind the door.


We both worked Saturday until 1-30 pm and 15-00pm Sunday,Went to the Ha-Ha bar for a couple of pints Sunday afternoon got some crusts and fed the ducks at Clarence docks.Was suppose to meet up with my Son he cancelled at the last moment hopefully we have rescheduled for this Saturday.

Had yesterday off went to BHS for a ten item breakfast with H pigged out then went to Firetrap H bought me two T-shirts. Bought Babylon by bus Bob Marley for a fiver from Zavvi (used to be virgin stores ).
went to House of Frazier men's department ended up buying four Paul Smith T-shirts in the sale from £35 to a staggering only £7.50 each

went to the std clinic accompanied by H talked about the Herpes coldsore problem and we got it all sorted out and all the questions answered.
Went to the Town Hall and spent £7.00 on getting a copy of my marriage certificate to forward to the solicitor it took only twenty five minutes to find and print it out i then walked over to the solicitor's office and handed it in and paid £300 to start divorce proceedings.

Went to a local bar and had a bottle of pear cider to celebrate the start of a new era got back to the flat and opened the mail box inside was a letter from the Building Society stating they had no interest in the endowment policy that we are cashing in from the house we sold 18 months ago that should net us £5k each which will help pay a few bills and buy bits and pieces i need such as a holiday once they receive this letter the money should be released to us.

considering signing up for the vodafone mobile broadband at £29.99 a month for a twelve month contract unlimited download and no hiding costs need the Internet and this looks better than the offers 3 are doing atm if the download speeds are as good as they are advertising then i might have to go for it.least i can email surf and buy online the things i require its costing me a fortune not being able to buy online anymore

I am madly in love and i cant help myself everything i see and do read or hear and listen to reflects her and how i see he i just i cant get this woman out of my head i don't want her out of my head i like that i am totally smitten by her she is everything to me.


I watch her when she sleeps i watch her when she walks and moves across a room i watch her all the time she is as gracefully as a swan and elegant has a highly trained ballet dancer.

I like the way she smiles the way she bites her lip i like her smile the fact that she talks in her sleep usually in the morning just before she wakes i don't mind the fact that she sometimes snores she can do no wrong and in my eyes she is perfection.


I want to take loads of photographs of her in every pose in every situation nothing tacky or tasteless but i just crave her pictures in colour black and white and sepia.
I do have some she as sent me to my mobile and i have some of her i have took on my phone but i want quality ones then i would like one transferring to canvas as big as possible to fill a wall or four separate pieces to make one large photo not sure what it would cost but i would gladly pay
a few hundred pounds for the right photograph.

Her Husband showed up at the flat he appeared on the intercom screen whilst i was at work she phoned him on her mobile and to speak to him and he didn't realise she was in the flat she told him that she was in town he must of thought it was getting just a random call she arranged to meet him in town the reason for the visit her phone plays up and she had missed eleven of his calls so he was pissed off.

She meet him at around twelve o clock i didn't her from her till six o clock when i was at work at my second job , H had gone to her mums with some flowers for the birthday she missed last week because she was ill her phone came back to life so she text me to say she was going to get a taxi to meet me at work and stay with me till i finished my shift at nine she arrived at around seven i have never been so happy to see someone.

H is going to o2 to sort her phone out if its the battery then not too bad, if its the phone it needs repairing all the hassle yesterday was because of dodgy technology and a dead mobile if she had speak to him when he called all the stuff what went down could have been avoided .
Every time something major happens its on a Monday i hate Mondays.

Went to the gourmet burger kitchen after work had a Thai burger a lime milkshake and a side order of fries.
and H had a chicken burger side order of sour cream and fries and a tea , neither of us had anything to eat all day.
Got taxi back to flat and went to bed.

Washing machine fixed and working yipee no more messing around with the head bag full of dirty clothes.

Bought a Brevil Sandwhich toaster and a blue neon lcd alarm clock from Argos worked the weekend seven o clock till one thirty.

Ellie a lot better after she had demolished three tins of prunes to make her go to the toilet she has had a viral infection and seeing that she wasn't sick and couldn't go to the toilet she couldn't get it out her system and was poisoning her inside luckily the prunes did the trick in around a hour the old remedies are the best

Hope fully today the washing machine dryer combo is fixed and working without flooding the kitchen.

Have had to take a couple of loads of dirty laundry and done them on a night it is hard work lugging a head bag through town to get your laundry done and getting it all dry but needs must.


Girlfriend is still poorly and is phoning the NHS direct she cant get a Dr's appointment and we are both worried that its not going away she as been ill since Tuesday morning we would put it down to the Norovirus but she as not got diarrhoea or has she been vomiting hopefully what ever it she as she is on the mend and its in the later stages don't want a sick Angel .

My wife got the letter from my solicitor regarding the divorce did speak to her on the phone and she seemed to have accepted what as been put forward i did say to her she could come up with a better solution to let me know ,but i cant see that she can , be nice if she did.

Girlfriend still poorly but is on the mend hopefully i have got to admit she took to her bed most of the day and never moaned i truly felt for her pain.She now needs to eat or try to eat and build her strength up.
Need to go and get a copy of my marriage certificate for the divorce proceedings obtainable at The Town hall for £7:00sometime asp.
Need to pay the poll tax which hopefully will get paid this Friday before the due date of 10/01/2008.
Need to pay some of the credit card minimum payment is £18:00 but will pay a lot more than that off it.
Need the washing machine dyer fixed should be this Friday fingers crossed .
Sent my Son and Daughter £60 each for there birthdays , the solicitor wants five hundred pounds up front to start the divorce .

Got paid from my Hospital job three weekends short which i worked in December my that months wage was estimated and no overtime was put on to it it should have been added to January's wage put for some reason it has not been which is more than annoying.

My girlfriend keeps getting text messages to go back home from her Husband she is poorly and getting stressed out hope she lasts we both knew it was going to be difficult some people are routing for us some think we are totally being stupid and can only see a couple having an affair
if she was to go back to him it would never be the same she does love me but if she was to return i would no way go back to my Wife i don't love her and on that basis alone i know it wouldn't work out.

Went to the solicitors to start divorce proceedings have mentioned that my wife can stay in the house until 2010 when my son is 18 years of age.

That when its sold i want half the profits that's in three years time if i don't loose my job my health or end up dead that will mean another three years wiped off the life off the mortgage so there is less to pay back to the building society and who knows how much house prices will have risen in that time.

Just know that its not going to be plain sailing i know she is going to kick off she wants to keep the house but some minor points wont allow her to , she does not earn enough money she works three hours per day paid employment Monday to Friday which is not enough to buy me out even if i didn't want any cash back she does not earn enough to take the mortgage on so they wont take my name off.

I work 7-30a.m until 16-00pm at my main job Monday to Friday then go to my second job at the Hospital from 17-00pm until 21-00pm Monday to Friday and thirdly i work at the Hospital 07-00am until 15-00 Saturday and Sunday which equates to 72 hours per week.

That's why i think i deserve my share there is things i need in my life security a car the wife kept the C2 and another house rented or mortgage its still to pay for, a holiday is a must not had one for going on four years , i have worked 7 days a week for eight years solid and its pay back time this is for me and i am asking for 50 - 50 split because i have put in 110% effort in over the 18 years of my marriage to get 50% return.

I am not bitter i, am not angry nor i am not unhappy , all i just want to is get on with my life doing the things i want to do, going out and visiting places when i want , to to eat drink what i want when i want to cook it , and bath shower and listen to music when i feel the need to , watch the things i want to on t.v and go to bed and get up when i need to and if i happen or get the urge and want to walk into town at 1-30am in the morning to get a kebab because i cant sleep and it kills a craving then i can.

Basically all i want is to have freedom of choice i imagine its like walking out from prison after serving 18 years and being over the moon to just be able to choose how you live your life even if its without life's luxury's or money not being told what to do not having demands made and orders barked at you , don't do this don't do that be home for this time no you cant go to pub no you cant go out with your mates for drinks after i finished work or even go for a curry on a the odd night in town with work mates.

Withdrawing £10 from the ATM then getting home and being quizzed on what i wanted a tenner for what i bought and wears the receipt and change.

I am now living life in my apartment the way i want to i have to spend carefully and try and save and carry on for the time being working the shifts and hours i do , but its buying the stuff i need me the things i want to carry on with my life two new cameras , DVD player, TV, hi-fi , clothes and shoes some other bits and pieces before i got quizzed when i bought some blank DVDs and Cd's from HMV.

I know i have A girlfriend and its less painful than being on your own i have a regular love life cuddles and kisses and someone to look after and for some one to look after me , to share things with go places with and talk about what has happened during the course of the day laugh and joke with be silly with , but at the end of the day i would be more happier on my own then in a loveless marriage that is going no where

Girlfriend is laid up in bed very sick and poorly at first we thought it was food poisoning but we now think its a bug viral infection she as very bad stomach pain and is feeling tired and sick.

Been trying to get appointment at the STD clinic and finally did get through yesterday i have been trying to phone since the Monday my wife opened her big mouth and said nasty things or implied things about me , phone lines have been off a week they have had some major problem with there phones they was always engaged when you called them but now sorted , anyway thanks to the ex wife's comments about me i am going to go get checked out concerning the herpes( strain 1) infection and no doubt anything else present will show up not that i am expecting anything else.

I have not add loads of sexual partners fullstop but in the last 19 years i have had sex with my wife and my girlfriend and no one else. My girlfriend is attending my appointment with me this is not till next Wednesday.

Got an appointment today with a solicitor to discuss my options and responsibilities concerning the house the kids mortgage etc etc ,what ever he says i have got to act upon as pleasant as it my be hopefully questions will be answered and paths laid out to follow.
I do know this all the money i have put into the house all the hours i have worked all the time i have spent fitting kitchens , laying floors , painting and decorating i do want and deserve percentage of the sale once its sold ideally 50%. This will financially sort me out for years to come get my name of the mortgage and give me options like to rent or buy.

For tea last night roasted some vegetables again in olive oil , parsnips, carrots, potatoes, and onions that we had for Sunday dinner to go over the top of this i did a hot chicken curry yum yum had to eat on my own H couldn't face anything , she requested that i bought her some lemons to make lemon tea seeing that i couldn't find any lemon tea to buy in the local shops and Tesco,s