NEW YEAR LOOMS

Totally skint but not really bothered we will manage we always do money helps make life easier is is not the answer to everything saying that I wouldn't say no to a £250 scratch card win , not that I really do scratch cards won a lucky dip on the lottery and £2.60 in cash hopefully the lucky dip will be lucky they never seem to be , I don't think I have ever won on a free lucky dip .

My daughter took us out for a Indian at Kippax we went a few weeks ago the food was just as good this time round , I took four bottles of cider because as it is not licensed for the sale of alcoholic drinks which keeps the price down. I had onion bhaji and a chicken tikka masala with boiled rice and for once manage not to get it down my shirt always a good sign.

SUNDAY
My ex wife's body is now residing at the chapel of rest with the funeral directors who she is entrusted to . She will be cremated on the 10th of January 2019 , may she now and forever rest in peace and hopefully live on in spirit to watch over her children specially her daughter  who as been her pillar and rock over these last few months and weeks especially .

Helen's son was supposed to call round with his mothers gifts for her birthday and Christmas did not happen another no show , needless to say she was upset . So from three grown up sons all working s for Christmas and birthday combined  one fucking present some bath and hand towels from Primark which are not the ones she had asked for so are a totally useless gift more like a slap in the face they will get passed to friends if we are not too embarrassed , binned  or I can use them to dry the car off when I have washed it .

MONDAY .
Bt engineer called this morning just after eight the line running to our box had broken it is now fixed and we are back online running 39 mbps but that will drop.

Need to wash the car it is looking like something out of Mad Max better get the towels ready. I go back to work doing 18.00 - 02.00 for the foreseeable future hopefully after nearly a week off hopefully the first shift back won't drag .

SLOW AGAIN

Happy birthday Helen all the best to my fiancee big hugs and kisses I really  hope you that you have a great and fantastic day I know you will .

My daughter bought Helen  a pair of Cloud Nine hair straighteners , she was overwhelmed she had been wanting pair for ages and had no idea she would be getting a pair  for her birthday she had tears of joy running down her face it was very moving , she looks on my daughter has the daughter she never had which is how it should be.

Surprise surprise broadband playing up again engineer is coming out on Monday New Years eve , if they think it is something we have done  or contributed to its a £85 charge on our next bill , funny how when it was first installed we was getting over 30 mps now a sad 2.85 mps not really fibre connection that we are and have been  paying for is it Bt.

The words below written by my daughter for her mother after she had passed over ,  this was posted on facebook to let her friends hear the sad news of her mothers death
she received 241 likes and 168 comments .

A million times I've needed you , a million times I've cried
if love could have saved you , you never would have died
In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still
 in my heart you hold a place, no one else can ever fill
it woke my heart to lose you , but you did not go alone
part of us went with you the day he took you home .
27.12.18 the day my mummy turned into an angel  🙏
mum was very peaceful and didn't suffer ,  me and Graham held her hand
I hope your are at peace now mummy I'm so proud of you . I love you so much 💕 forever and ever

NEWS SO SAD

Christmas Day
Finished work Christmas morning at  two a.m yippee  , the turkey went in the oven on a low light as I was setting off from work Helen wanted to wake up to the smell of turkey cooking away .
The sprouts and veg roast sweet potatoes and parsnips we did an hour before we was eating the sprouts where hard not sure why they was boiling away long enough the dinner was fine and filling .
My Daughter bought me two lovely Ben Sherman t-shirts and a bottle of Armani diamonds black carat which smells excellent and a grow your own bonsai tree thank you .

My Ex wife made her Christmas Day dinner with my daughter it was touch and go she made it to the restaurant even if she did not eat loads she had her last ever Christmas dinner , so sad and touching the nurses reckon she will go down pretty fast in the next couple of days ,is  not what anyone wanted to hear.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas time and had good food and drink and hopefully some nice thoughtful gifts , may you all have a brilliant 2019 .

Boxing Day -
Helen's parents came for dinner the pork was cooked perfect the roast potatoes excellent we cut some fresh rosemary from the garden to garnish them whilst they cooked in goose fat .
Helen opened the rhubarb and ginger gin I opened the Jim Beam bourbon .


Wednesday
Went to Trinity and bought Helen a Arc Mini E-cig and some blueberry liquid at 1.0 she thought she was not going to get one she wants to quit on her birthday tomorrow the 28th it is the exact same tank that my daughter uses , hopefully this will help her quit smoking I do hope so .
Hopefully its the best present she will have ever received and will improve her life quality and will give her added years which will be the best gift ever , and it just might save me money as well fingers crossed

Sad sad news my ex wife Angela passed away just before midday today the 27th of December my daughter rang to tell she went peacefully and hopefully pain free at St,Lenards hospice in York  and is now at rest .  Hopefully she is passed over to a better place and is looking after and watching over our daughter which is a Nice thought to have .

TURKEY

DAY BEFORE Christmas Eve - Sunday appoint at the chiropodist done I always walk better after a visit here it is money well spent I now go around ever eight weeks this will be my third visit .

Went to the farm shop bout two turkey joints they are not crowns bit rolled bread its all meat no bones I also got a joint of pork for boxing days meal , and a Stan pie which is a big pork pie along with swede , sprouts , carrots , sausages and milk .

After getting home Helen wanted  go to Asda she also wanted a turkey with legs not sure why we never in twelve years had a full turkey but manage to get a 14lb which is small turkey  the others are in the freezer for new year the food is all bought the presents all wrapped and under the tree we need nothing else , not sure I could afford anything else , I dare not look at my bank account no of the bills and standing orders have been taken out yet ,hopefully I will have a few hundred quid left and the cheque from the tax man arriving in the next several days .

The image below is a painting allegedly a Banksy , and a reminder Christmas is not just about presents its about being with family and being happy for what you have .

STREET LIGHTS

Finished work last night at two went to Asda bought some Jim Beam bourbon thought I would have a change from J.D . Also bought eight bottles of Koppaberg and 10 cans of cloudy apple bottle a bottle of Baileys for Helen ,Christmas cake and a stollen still no Christmas puddings .

Went to the Range shopping outlet and bought some silver chargers for the plates only £1.99 each also got a small carriage lantern and some other silver decorations for the top of the fire place .

Went to visit Helen's son's Kris and ste , Ste is living in a new house with a different partner so much better than the crack head he use to live with , and  the house is more of a home with a garden hopefully he will live there permanently and settle down he also as a new job , doing house removals which is good pay .

Went to my daughters house last , stopped off and bought a fresh pizza to cook for our tea we exchanged gifts and went to see the house lights in Rothwell , which was very good to say we are not in the U.S.A they did the street proud apparently the lights were better and more houses added lights to their homes .

NIGHT SHOPPING

Finished work at 02.00 a.m my pay cheque had gone into my bank thought it be good idea to go to Asda supermarket and get some shopping in for the festive period bought Helen a bottle of rhubarb and ginger gin  by Whitley Neill inspired by the exotic flavours of Africa so it says . It was half past four before I got to bed .

At half past nine we was on our way to the Trinity centre Wakefield the cars queue to enter the car park was long we finally got through the barriers and found a space .
I had to go to Pandora for a charm for my daughters Christmas present , I also  bought some perfume and two bottles of aftershave from Next for family members and for I bought Helen a pair of brown knee length boots and two pairs of jeans .

We also Called in at Sainsbury bought some after dinner mints and some new grey oven gloves , pillows and an grey striped apron and a set of three tea towels also in greys .

On the way back home we stopped at our favourite fish restaurant for dinner got home another three hours and I will be setting off to work .Going to watch a couple of episodes of Stranger Things .

Tonight  after I finish my shift at work I will be back at Asda getting cider and whiskey and other bits and pieces we still require .

IT'S LOOMING

well Christmas is really looming are we ready are we fcuk , another year we are lagging in our preparations we get caught out very year and every year we say next year will be different well it ain't.
we need food all we have bought is cranberry sauce because with rushing around the supermarket its usually forgotten about .
We need the turkey crown we need the veg including sweet potatoes  and sprouts , we also need the pigs in blankets , stuffing maybe a joint of gammon and a beef or pork joint for Boxing Day .

I get my wages paid into the bank Friday morning when I finish at two in the morning I might go straight to the supermarket and get some of the things we need than just go to the farm shop for the meat and turkey .
I also need to go to Pandora to get my daughter some charms for the bracelet her mother is buying her .

Helen sold her antique clock for £60 she is going more modern she also did a couple of readings plus  she also gets her wage paid  from the phone lines .I am waiting for a cheque from the tax office so we should just about scrape through money wise this year ,But  I am getting paid nearly a week early which means next payday is further away fingers crossed.

I don't know if I should get another bottle of spirits I usually get a whiskey and a bourbon I received a bottle of captain Morgan gold from staff at work I do like plenty of liquor coffees at Christmas so decisions decisions . Roll on the new year .

Sad news my brother in law Alan who we went to Ibiza with  his father passed away  on Tuesday one  week before Christmas , he had to go down to Brighton he made it to the hospital and spent the day with him before he passed .

WISHES

Watching the series Cobra Kai its the follow up , to the film the Karate kid watched the first two episodes its quite good.
Have also started watching "Stranger Things " got Helen hooked she watched the whole of season one in one night .
My ex wife is going to come out of hospital and into a hospice this coming Monday  my brother in law's father is also going into a hospice this Saturday he lives down in Brighton ,  hopefully both will get to see Christmas .

Baked a jam pastie and an extra large Christmas mince pastie both of them  turned out excellent the jam pastie reminded me of the jam tarts my mother used to bake back in the day .

Went over to a wooden lodge near Church Fenton Helen had sold some Laura Ashley  bedding online  and we was dropping  it off , we was going to visit Helen's parents so a little detour but it was more or less on our way .
We had our dinner shepherds pie and apple crumble and custard to follow was very nice could have eaten  it again .

Had a very nice surprise the tax man is sending me a cheque out for £130 wished it was for a lot more but it was totally unexpected and being Christmas extra cash is always needed ,

My Daughter is still with her mum in hospital she has hardly left her side for the last week . Hopefully she is going into an hospice this Monday which should make life easier  , She also seems to have improved she is out of bed more and her speech is more coherent she even drank a gin and tonic hopefully this will continue and she will get to spend Christmas with my daughter one last time I know  if this was possible it would make my daughters Christmas wishes come true .

EARNED HER WINGS

Helen had a reading last night and has one tomorrow afternoon she also sold some Laura Ashely bedding which is being picked up tomorrow she wants to buy some grey curtains for the van .

Defrosted some haddock for pan fried fish and chips with a bread cake and baked beans the fish was around £3.50 for four pieces she made some batter and I hand cut  four medium size potatoes for the chips turned out a really nice meal at low cost , I don't know why we don't buy more fish as it is really easy to cook. Still plan on doing a fish curry Indian style need to find an online recipe and get cooking.

Christmas is looming fast need to buy gifts I need to get my Daughters present and a couple of others it is also Helen's birthday on the 28th of December .
We also need to buy all of the food specially the turkey crown .I am working a six - two Christmas Eve I will be home at around two thirty Christmas morning then I am off for the whole of the week.

 A Polish friend at work keeps bringing in bottles of mead  for  me the medieval honey drink that dates back hundreds of years ago it is very nice  tasting drink and of course it is sweet I have a bottle in my car boot which I am saving for Christmas ,I  might also get a bottle of ruby port and a bottle of Bailey's Irish cream and a bottle of pink Gin for Helen , a fair swap.

My Daughter is still keeping vigil at her mothers hospital bed she as been a rock for her , how she is doing it is beyond me she is constantly at her side I don't really know how she does it she is in to her fifth day . I can only guess that  it must be very hard and exhausting physically and mentally and of course extremely upsetting ,but  she is determined to stay with her until she passes over goes without saying I am extremely proud of her , I know she as made a few friends with the nurse looking after her Mum to whom she is extremely grateful to the are doing a great service .

Of course I remember us taking our daughter home from the hospital after she was born it was cold and snowing even so it was a happy day , I remember having to go out in the snow for nappy's and baby milk I had to walk to the shops as the car and roads where snowed in .Twenty seven years later she is with her mum in hospital waiting for her to die , I think she as earned her wings ten times over .
She also went with her for her radiation and chemotherapy treatment she did not miss one appointment plus all the other things she has done , she finds it hard not to cry if she needs to she saves it when she is out of hospital room so her mum does not see her .

LIFE AIN'T CRAP

My daughter phoned me she was distraught she was on the way to York Hospital her Mother had been taken there by ambulance she had collapsed and was unresponsive they thing she had a stroke .
When she got to hospital she was asleep she stay asleep until she dies or wake up or wake up but not be herself.

I really hope she wakes up so that my daughter can spend one last Christmas with her it is unlikely that this will happen but Christmas is a time for miracles or so we are lead to believe so fingers crossed and hopefully prays are answered .

SUNDAY- her mother is doing better she is talking and acknowledging that they are there she is also asking about Christmas and her shop in Pocklington and Jenson her grandson and her cannabis oil  , a

 Her blood pressure is good and she is on a drip but most of all she is battling on and hopefully she will continue to improve and get home for Christmas which would be the best Christmas present that she could give to everyone around her and that knows her.

People say you leave this world with what you come with I have the above tattooed on my right lower leg , I will take my tattoo's with me when I die .


As the day progressed she was given Morphine my daughter stayed with her think she is staying at the hospital I know she laid on her hospital bed by her side she texted me to say her mother held her face and gave her loads of kisses , she said she was happy and peaceful and was in no pain , my daughter told her when ever she wanted to go it was ok to let go I said similar words holding my mothers hand whilst she died , She also rubbed cream into her feet and legs and face which she greatly enjoyed  .Someone said to me today "ain't life crap"  , and I replied  "life ain't crap it's dying that is shit" and cancer is the devil .

I know sometimes people improve they seem  get an extra lease of life a last hurrah , they can get out of bed unaided , watch tv and communicate normally and remember things from their past , but this can also be a sign that death is not too far away .

A BETTER PLACE

Imagine being afraid to go to sleep scared in case you don't wake up then happy when you do knowing you are still alive for at least another day  .
Imaging knowing you have had your last Easter , spring and summer you will never see the leaves on the trees turn brown and drop on to the floor a blanket of multi colours or seeing your last winter of snow and of course Christmas .
 .
All the things that are  left undone you're time finished and you never completed  the book you started  reading , or the film you turned off half way through to go to bed because you had work in the morning and never had time to re watch it ,  its sad we should do the things that we want and don't make excuses for those we don't do we should  live life to the max and retire when you can , down size ,  cash in sell up and spend the kids inheritance  . I know I should follow my own advice who's to say I won't .

They are also in the next few days going visiting a Hospice's basically so when the time comes it is supposed to be more familiar. So  basically you going to see the place were you will die and staff that will  help you to pass on don't think I could be that brave .

Last night at work we had a D.O.A  that was coming via a private ambulance with a police escort they think the deceased was poisoned by his wife and the body was going to have an autopsy performed on it .

Also last night when I was going home at 02.00 am there was a twenty something lad in the lift who was missing his left leg from below the knee he was having a prosthetic limb fitted  the following day he told me that he jumped off a building in the city centre but survived he said "he was in a better place now" .

THREE IN ONE DAY

MONDAY -Primemark  Ikea and B&M all in one day should get a medal can't even remember what we got from B&M .

Ikea shopping bought a light grey sofa cover and a grey rug and some grey seating pads for the kitchen chairs .we also bought some gin fish bowl glasses and other glasses .

TUESDAY - My Mothers birthday she would have been 100 years old .

Ikea two days running took the light grey sofa cover back and swapped it for a dark grey  which I did say when we saw the light grey it was way too light , we also took the rug back we will wait and get the bigger size similar to what we have now but  in grey , which I also mentioned when we placed it in the trolley fcuking typical

Joined Netflix thirty days free was a member years ago thought I would give it another go it cost the same as Amazon prime both combined is still cheaper than Sky or Virgin ., will tide is over for the Christmas period .
Watching The Christmas Chronicles on Netflix and Expedition Happiness which I followed on YouTube , and The Haunting tv series which is hard to follow but not without its good bits .

PAINTING AGAIN

SATURDAY - Went over to my daughters house at Kippax we all went to a local Indian restaurant had a chicken chat and main dish very small but the food was excellent we knew what to expect we had a take away from there during the Summer for six it was just under £90 .
After the meal we went back to her house she coloured and cut Helen's hair and did a grade one on mine thank you .

SUNDAY - Went over to Helen's parents hose painted the kitchen and did some repainting of the decorating we id the previous Sunday one more days work they know want the bathroom white .



CHRISTMAS  - People ask what I want for Christmas I have no real need for anything if I had a load of cash and had to spend it on me what would I get .Guess I could do with some new jeans and trainers and some long sleeved shirts , I had a long sleeved shirt on the other week and my daughter bless her really loved it beats wearing t-shirts all the time so half a dozen shirts would be nice .Along with some nice fitting comfy leather loafers in a nice brown colour a few pairs of comfy warm  wool socks in a nice pattern to go with a nice wool overcoat .


Some high quality Bose headphones and a new mp3 music player instead of using my phone maybe a  Astell & Kern AK70.I think I am more likely to get a iPad Pro than a new Mac book .Other than tech a nice five year diary or a pair of leather gloves other than that spirits and chocolate are always good .