its great not working weekends anymore but it is causing me heart ache i cant see or bump into a certain person and its hurting bad .we went over to York on Saturday with my wife used the park and ride a great invention every one should have one don't think Leeds have one till its nearer Christmas time.
went down to the river and headed for the nearest Starbucks for a caffeine fix been a while since i have had a white chocolate mocha everwhere i went i and women i saw reminded me of H its amasing how many blonde hair women there is in the world even in York .Wifey ended up buying a black leather jacket form Lakeland should fasten at the back lol it was reduced and a great bargain will last years unless she gets it pinched like the last leather jacket she owned , it could last longer then me lol .I settled for the new Jean Paul Gaulttier aftershave Fleur its my birthday soon so i would like a 8 gig i-pod nano in black and case might be lucky and get some birthday cash i have saved £30 out of my dinner money i take to work every day so should be sorted. now i am not seeing a certain person i need something to cheer me up suicide did cross my mind o/j might end up dying of a broken hear t

In York saw a clown a Johnny Depp look a like from pirates of the Caribbean and a fiddler with a devil puppet as well as the minister wanted better close ups of the gargoyles only to discover when i down loaded them to my PC i had the camera settings to low quality and low pixel setting good old eBay took some photos for my wife's listings and i forgot to alter the settings back to highest so pics want that good mind you that might be how its going atm not fully foucused on what iam doing it is hard nothing seems to be important any more i cant think off anything other than what have i done what i have given up why did i not give it longer i was more happy then i have ever been.

Anyway its an excuse to go back for the Christmas lights might even be with her but cant count on it want to take a certain person but its not likely but stranger things have happened .
After walking round checking out the market place and some food from the foreign food market ended up at Cafe Nero for more caffeine in my opinion no where as good as starbucks but better than Pret a manger should have had a double JD in it might have cheered me up and warmed up a brokern heart thats not beating like it should

Packed working in the weekends which i have been doing for near on eight bloody years no more enough is enough.Finally got my weekends back to read walk my dog and visit places hopefully this Saturday going over to York walk by the river go to the shambles and take some photos and hopefully get a white chocolate mocha at the local based Starbucks.It has been a while since i have been to York and i bet the old place ain't changed that much .i can now catch up on reading chillin ,walking and going to computer fairs and car boot sales not necessarily with the wife though hehe visit places throughout the region going to country pubs and sleep in on a Saturday and Sunday i will hear the church bells each Sunday morning wont have to de-ice the car unless its for pleasure i can go to the canal and watch the changing seasons i do love autumn and venture into town for a Sunday pint with my wife not that will happen that often maybe once or twice till she has enough

i want to start reading the new John Twelve Hawks novel which follows on from the Traveler which is called Dark River is first novel for anyone who as not read it yet buy lend it steal it its that good Dark River atm i think its only available in hardback copy which i wont buy they always seem to read different when they are in hard back rather than paperback and cost more.

Its my birthday next week and toying with the idea of getting a new generation i-pod , i would love the classic but might settle for the 8gig nano in matt black be nice to have 80 gig though got to admit what puts me off when it dies its more expense then forking out for just a nano and i suppose you can be spoilt for choice on the other hand i have enough music to fill a eighty gig h/d.

got to start planning Christmas its going to be here asp for the last ten years on Christmas day we have had curry and Indian food for the reason its easy buy different starters main dishes nans and bahjees and rices and through it all in the oven and its ready in thirty mins had a few beers so everyone is up for spicy food kids been eating sweets and chocolates and mince pies all morning so there not too bothered about a turkey and all the trimmings and you don't waste half off Christmas cooking a bloody dinner no one is that bothered about.

Found out on this Saturday just gone ,that a nephew on my wife,s side who attended our wedding ceremony 18 years ago went and committed suicide aged 34 , mainly over problems in his relationship with various women and various siblings but he thought the situation bad enough to take is own life.

when i look at a situation like that and i think to myself even if i hit rock bottom then things can only get better i certainly wouldn't have the guts bottle or nerves to end it all no doubt things must have been going round his head which only made sense to him and the only way out was death....

Puts my problems in prospective and makes me want to try harder and value the things i have close and dear to me loving my wife might not be possible and how hard do i try to make everything ok when we both really know in our hearts that's its never going to be that good anymore , but the kids and rest of the family and friends will still be there hopefully for us both.

I love my music enjoy reading the books i have read and looking forward the ones i want to read , i like the simple things like eating and drinking the food i like walking in the woods with clear blue sky cloudless sky with Bandit my Jack Russell and my I-pod.

Autumn and winter and Christmas just around the corner its a happy time maybe and festive spirits of course for some of us will see a new 2008 but not for one it ain't going to happen.

No matter what i do or where i end up , on my own or with Helen or even here for the time being its better than being dead, he felt unloved , we all get upset pissed off but got to look at all the good things going on , someone committing suicide does make you stand back and look at your life , and if you are not truly happy with what you have got then what changes you can make to improve my life and happiness and the way you live , maybe on my own doing my own thing wont be too bad some of the time i know it wont be plain sailing and time will tell watch this space. Deep down in my heart of hearts and what my thoughts are and who they concern i know what i truly want all i can do is go for gold and fingers crossed.

Moved out of the family home the other week and went to live at my sister's . I had enough of working seven days a week and other stuff was also getting me down.

Some of the stuff going on was my fault for not having the guts or inkling to speak out and just letting stuff carry on and carry on.
there was money issues , sex issues and other problems like not going out and enjoying life , not spend loads on drink and booze but going out just for a couple two nights a week not staying in and watching the box i have been spending too much time on my pc just because i find t.v mundane most of the time .
i have been reading listening to music cooking tea late anything just so i didn't have to watch tv wife my wife.

i left with a bag packed with essentials my i-pod nano mobile phone some clothes leather jackets etc.
My sister let me have the spare room i have looked at getting a city one bedroom apartment for £495 pcm which might have been my worst night mare at one stage but over the years this as been more and more appealing and has been a fantasy dream off mine for a long time i work near by and have seen all the recent developments over the years from start to finish and people move in and living in them and thought one day that will be me and as both my jobs are five minutes from the city centre no need for car or bus pass plus all them pups takeaways Indians and Chinese buffet and bars will be ideal.

i don't know what will happen concerning a certain beautiful person i know time will tell i do know one thing this is just the beginning not the end.

i went to Primark bought dozen white t-shirts 12 pairs or underpants in black and 2 dozen pairs of black socks , bought 6 easy iron shirts at £4 each took combats and jeans trainers etc with me when i first left home bought a shaving bag .went to Boots bought shower gel toothpaste razors and shaving gel deodorant and toothbrushes etc .

bought some reading material Anthony kiedis biography scar tissue stuff magazine and t3 magazine .And thus started my first day Of the first week away from home.

All I KNOW IS THAT I WANT TO BE WITH ONE PERSON MORE THAN I WANT TO BE WITH ANOTHER............. and i love this other person lots lots more than the one i have just left.
it might all go pear shape it might not last i might one day end up on my own , but that is life i have to take that risk to get to where i want to be.

my son wanted to sell his psp which he has hardly ever used since he got it at Christmas last so i gave him £40 for it .want to put DVD movies on a pain i know takes a while to convert to mpeg4 in some cases over a hour its mainly so when i am back catching and using the bus i can catch up on dvds and films i never would have had the time to watch .it has a 1 gig memory card and i can get three movies on which is ample for what i want.

we got new mattress for the king size bed not that we wore the old one out chance would be a fine thing it got delivered today we have bought the bed second hand its barely a year old but is not coming for another couple of weeks the people we are buying it from have jetted of to the states , so we have had to put it in the conservatory for the time being i am tempted to sleep on it in there on the floor with the patio doors open wide would be a bit like camping without the hassle of outdoor living its the nearest my wife would get to getting under canvas the wifey just shook her head and asked me if i had gone completely mad and she wouldn't join me .

i really just want a shag in the garden hehe i would love to but she wont anymore and i don't ask i have more chance of getting sun burnt at midnight .

I have got this girl in my head i cant get her out of my mind out she is with me constantly and in all my dreams and thoughts words and deeds and she is all my fantasies and dreams are of her these feelings and notions are not new they have been in my head for a long time , if only dreams came true,nothing wrong with wishful thinking

Been busy last few days joined a online dvd rental club "i love films" since the local Global video /dvd rental shop has shut its doors at first i thought it was just getting refurbished but it most be some refurbishment has its been shut well over a month ,as far as i know it could have gone bust anyways £9.99 a month for one disc at a time but unlimited rents is not that bad they pay the postage both ways saves going out in the rain and saves on petrol and no late rental charges so far i have had two films in a week and are waiting for the third got to get at least 2 a week for it to pay its way .

Buying some second hand pine furniture for the bedroom triple wardrobe double wardrobe 2 bedside cabinets a king size bed and a dresser was £3000 new just a year ago selling for £550 cant afford not to buy it at that price we do need a new mattress ( not that the old one got worn out, if only) so bought one this weekend for £400 and duvets bottom fitted sheets pillow case's etc of all eBay £150.

I have just got to rip out the fitted wardrobes dump everyhting we dont need , sort the clothes out we dont wear and do a bit of decorating fix a small bit of dado and skirting boards and should be good as new,and if the wife leaves me to get on with it without acting as site foreman shouldnt take that long .

Just discovered the joys of raw onions freshley chopped on beef sandwich's never ever have had any raw veg before but got to say i am hooked why has it took so long don't know just had a Greek kebab's from the market a few weeks ago with my work m8 Mick one luch time and it was filled with raw onions instead of throwing them away i just ate the lot and a new craze was born hehe the wife dont like the smell of raw onions on my breath but she stills smoke yet i dont bitch and i dont eat them every day she still smokes every day, now when shopping i throw in a couple.

Another step was made in the month of my enlightenment Led Zeppelin the band that is never really listened to them before apart from stairway to heaven a mate lent me some cd's albums physical graffiti and houses of the holy and led zeppelin 1v now i am hooked never too old for change best part of living finding out new things and tricks ....

Had yet another day off today to go see the doctor for the results from the blood test everything was ok . Not that i had any doubts better to be safe than sorry

went shopping at Tesco bought some baking potatoes and some chili and cheese which i will cook for supper tonight.Also bought some sparkling water in various flavors trying to drink at least 2x1 litre bottles a day instead of all the coffee i drink be a lot less calories as well .
also bought stuff magazine James Patterson's judge and jury in paper back edition because it dont look like we will be having a BarbieQ this weekend again .

listening to Cherry Ghosts new album "thirst for romance" which aint that bad track 10 "mary on the mend" is my favorite track.

Might call in at NEXT tomorrow its the start of a sale and see if i can get some combats and need another couple of shirts for work thin blue denim if i can the wife hates denim shirts hehe .

Been having heart flutters for a few days no doubt too many tins of curry and urinating small amount of blood wife kicking me in the kidneys didn't help o/j , so i took off and went to the doctors she assured me they are not linked and the blood might be something or nothing and it did seem to be clear just before i went typical its like having tooth ache as soon as you go to the dentist it disappears, just bad timing all illnesses at once , got some antibiotics for the water infection and did a ECG which read as it should , so some blood tests where done which i am waiting for the results from this was on Friday.Had to shave parts of my chest to get the electros to stick now i am itching like a dog with fleas least i get a seat on the bus all to my self .

Saturday went to Temple Newsham for opera in the park it was OK i enjoyed it all though there was no beer tent not gone to the chemist yet for the antibiotics and it did not rain which was a big plus
and getting out took all of five minutes was well impressed.

Did feel a little abit out of it ,with some of the upper classes cracking open the champagne to go with their strawberries when all i wanted was a bottle or two of magners and some dry roasted suppose its the yob in me could have done with some ear plugs part of it was not to my tatse

in the end i got a complete new shuttle xpc base unit they reckon they was a fault with the motherboard as well as the psu and graphics touch wood this one will last longer than seven months.

its amazing how long it takes to get everything back to normal once it was all reformatted all the program's and devices cameras printers wireless router/modem as well all of my music i had backed up on to dvd put instead of writing it to disc as a data file i did it as mp3,s so all the album art work covers i had to sort back out once the music was back on the hard drive.

wifey is not going to be seeing me for a while got stuff to rip and burn and some serious surfing to do not to mention updating everything bet its not long before she kicks off on one wont push it too much or the pc will end up out of the window hehe

its now on the external drive.anyways things are looking good could do with a usb hub but Curry's and Pc World want up to £27.00 having a laugh or wot will hunt one down on eBay .

finally got a call from CCL telling me that they was running final tests on the Shuttle and if everything was OK i could pick it up the following day this was on Wednesday last week.

As it happened i had booked the Thursday and Friday off as flexi.

Got to CCL just after nine o clock they was already three people queing finally i got to the front of the queue and the shuttle was return to me first thing missing was my windows license certificate for windows o/s they issued me a new one they told me it was not the power supply unit but a graphic card problem , they had not reinstalled Windows either no prob at least i had my machine back.

I put it in the boot of the car then went back to the trade counter and bought a coolermaster h/d enclosure a Seagate Barracuda hard drive and a external hp dvd/lightscribe burner all for £95 then set off back to Leeds.

Got home set the machine back up reinstalled Windows reinstalled and all software for my camera canon printer, modem scanner, i-tunes and Winamp Nero my Antivirus programme, crap cleaner Spybot , Ad-aware etc etc downloaded all update which which 83 in total reloaded my music collection and covers loads photographs and many other documents.

That's not including the new Lightscribe drive and the external hard drive which is to make up and install.

when i finally called it a day after numerous cups of coffee and headache tabs i went to power down and when it finished shutting down after installing all of the updates the fans inside the machine kept on running and running not a very good sign the only way was to unplug the machine or use the power on/off switch on the very back of the machine guess what its going back to CCL in the morning so much for bench testing it

Still not got my shuttle pc back from CCL its hard work getting through on the phone did speak to someone last week and they told me the psu was knackered but if they wanted a new part they would have to order one they do sell 250 watt shuttle power supply units but the one that came with the shuttle in it barebone form was had a 400 watt output ,
I did take it in on the 2nd of June and i am getting the feeling that am being neglected i do hope that it is sorted this week i have Thursday and Friday off and would like it back before the end of this week hopefully going to buy a coolermaster hard drive enclosure and a seagate h/d when i pick the pc up.

Have been listening to Jeff Buckley Grace The Editors "an end as a start" and Nickelback "all the right reasons" and "silver side up" and "silence is easy" by Starsailor i do need some new earbuds for my i-pod nano not going to fork out best part of thirty quid to get some apple ones i like the gummy ones JVC do which are available from Currys and Hmv for around £7.99.

Bought some Oral B tooth brushes for my rechargeable tooth brush on Ebay and they did not arrive after three weeks of waiting and sending a dispute via the peps from Ebay so i bought some from Boots this Saturday as soon as i got in from work my wife said to me good news your tooth brushes have arrived from ebay at long last at least now i don't have a reason not to have clean teeth for the next 16 months as i have two packs of four brushes oops .

watched the concert for Princess Diana yesterday live from Wembley it rocked my afternoon and my night happy birthday Di where ever you may be

had the weekend of full off either cold or hay fever think its cold the amount of chillies i eat and spicy food i am normally quite immune from the common clod will take some piriton and beconase nasal spray just to make sure either way i have tomorrow off as well.

if nothing else will catch up on some sleep no doubt as soon as i decide to watch a dvd sods law it always happens.

just down loading safari apple's browser http://www.apple.com/safari/might be less spyware cookies and hijacks happening didn't apple once not too long ago advertise no viruses found on i-macs compared to the thousands written for and down loaded on windows pc computers.

Also down loading and looking at objectdock and picasa new version of vista transformation pack 7 coming out soon got version 6 i like it makes xp less boring .

The new leather settee came today we ordered it form john peters about 3 months ago.
whom have recently gone into receivership but they was lucky enough to get bought out even though the outlet we bought it from on the Birstall industrial estate where Ikea is situated is no longer trading.
we did pay a deposit of £150 when we placed the order and the balance they wanted this Tuesday and wanted it paying over the phone we wanted to pay C.O.D any way good to their word it was delivered today so if any one else is out waiting for orders you all should be ok .
you just might have to wait a extra few weeks as we did.

sick of i-tunes when i am updating my nano its listing tracks as it wants to art work is all over the place and its really just getting annoying spending more time trying to sort listings out and covers than anything else and its getting me a bit obsessive with it all being just too right.

So i decided to download sharepod to give that a go which is shareware and looked good on the screen shots etc when i tried to install it got a error message oxc0000135 which is to do with net framework so i downloaded donetfix which got me an error message regarding net framework version 2.0.50727 .

which i am d/l as i type this my new computer is still getting repaired and my old machine is not running a genuine Microsoft o/s so i might hit a wall with the installation process
just want my other machine back with it genuine copy of windows what a hassle not being legit

weekend off went to a local company summer fete where my wife works and it was ok good motorbike display team on show with stunts and clever riding and to top it all free magners had four free drink vouchers plus free food as well which killed a few hours before the rains came.
54% done on tomb raider good old rain just in case it continues i bid on and won angel of darkness on eBay should arrive this week and bought some new brushes of the oral b electric tooth brush the dental work is still on going and the results are better than what we had planned so no complaints got to go back a week this Friday for the last quarter of my mouth doing .

work stinks atm and i hate it more each day like most jobs its ok until you have time off then its three times as bad when you go back,still not got the pc back ccl have been in touch after i e mailed them its in a queue waiting for repair which is fine but no one has confirmed what they will cover in the repair if its a hard ware failure are they going to fix it or get me to sort it out and even though its less than seven months old i am skeptical about it breaking down again my old pc which iam using now parts of it are well over ten years old well the psu, mobo, cpu athlon xp2100 are, did fit had a new h/d and graphics card added another dvd burner and put it all in a new atx case although it has now got my new monitor and wireless key board working of it and its all going great guns and does what i want rips films sorts out my i-pod and general surfing everything is hunky dory,and it does make me wonder why i bothered in the first place i suppose its technology wanting something better only for it to let you down there is a lesson here i suppose if it aint broke leave well alone if worse comes to the worse will take the memory cpu and get a new mobo case and do away with the shuttle xpc do like thermaltake cases and like the idea of a water cooled system not that i would go that way but i did only get the shuttle to please my wife she did'nt want a full tower standing proud in the bedroom which is where it is and has been for the last seven years i original bought my first pc of a friend if people are wondering why my maths dont add up hehe referring to some parts being ten years old .

it has been a funny old week up to now on Monday took the dogs for a booster injection and their claws trimming there was offer on at the vets for micro chipping half price so we booked them back in to get them both done for Tuesday.
went to Fairburn Ings to feed the ducks went for a walk and found a disused railway bridge.
offer on at Tesco's at the moment Magners cider 20% off chill pasties half price and rustlers nan and chicken tikka wrap nuked in 70 seconds are half price wot bliss .
not heard anything about the computer every time i try and get through put on hold all lines busy still hopefully get it sorted soon want to buy a freecom hard drive caddy and a 160 gig h/d for external back up of music fav films and photos etc also want a external dvd writer think ine reason behind the shuttle packing in might be its work load if the external drive gives out heat it wont be inside the pc i don't know if this is logical but its what i plan on doing regardless .

just work the weekend then its a week off no commuting to work no major problems chill out time will have arrived.

the weather forecast for the following Monday and Tuesday is for rain never mind will have to play on the PS2 and drink magners should be a laugh.

dirt track we have been going to is now closed due to someone somersaulting a quad bike and needing serious hospital treatment and some other tossers dumping toxic waste on to the fields so cant blame the farmer who owns the field making it off limits.
will need to find somewhere else to ride there is a track near by where it is run and there is a fee but hopefully will be worth it .

Have been playing on the new Tombraider 10th anniversary game although it follows the original levels of the original game its totally different settings graphics and lots more to do than the original game i have to admit anyone who loves the original game must buy this.

Found a new track to take my son and his trail bike to its a farmers field and its been adapted for trials bikes to ride there i am not totally sure if we are trespassing and on the two occasions we have been riding on there last Sunday and Monday night no one as pulled us i keep feeling we are at some stage going to be told to sod off i do hope not as its a ideal place and its ten times bigger than the last track we have been using.And he can finally ride in third gear longer than a few seconds lots of baby rabbits running wild hopefully they wont end up as rabbit pie and keep well away from the wheels of the bike.

The trailer is fine and the c2 is fine pulling it so far the bike has stayed put just securing it with the two tie down straps and hopefully this will remain the case .

Break up on Sunday have a full whole week off work Barbie's kebabs and Magners hope its not too hot will hate to have to go inside too long desperate to get some sun will take the dog out on long walks as well might loose a few pounds as well

My computer has gone west i was reinstalling windows and it packed in half way through formatting my c; drive just died i am pretty sure i saw a flash come from inside the case and smelt a faint smell of smoke oops.


decided to take it back to CCL asp so Saturday i drove over with my shuttle pc in the boot thought i better take the windows xp o/s disc all original paperwork for the system build and the serial number for when they had to reinstall windows.


got over there and dropped it off saw someone on the service desk gave him a brief on what happened he wanted the windows certificate they use there own disc i didn't have it its at home on my disc case i showed him the original disc the serial number the receipt which i bought from them at CCL i was not impressed.

so monday whilst at work i had to borrow the minibus and shoot over to Tong near Bradford to take the certificate so the installation of xp can take place when they get round to fixing it that is which is between ten to fourteen days but i bet its more like three weeks.

Just outside Tong garden centre the exhaust started blowing big style was equal to the noise of a jet engine and the faster i picked up speed the more i had to keep popping my ear drums anyway made it back without getting stopped by the police without anyone being any the wiser it would have blown at some stage but it happened whilst it was not being used for works purpose.

The worst thing about being not online is going to have to watch crap tv and get totally bored out of my head iam going to crack up just know it

The Il Divo concert in Sheffield Halam arena and it was alot better than i thought it would be although i wasn't totally dreading the concert and i am a bit of a cultural vulture some of the time it its not the regular sounds i usually up load on to my I-pod .but i do have to admit the lads can sing and i would go to see them again live but not until five years have passed and they have new material out .
price wise a 400ml can of cider was £3.20 which was acceptable programs went for a tenner again i thought was a fair price but album cd's was £16.99 no where near the cost of what you could pick one up in Virgin or Hmv for and a bag of chocolate eclairs was £2.50 parking was a fiver all in all it was good value and was a enjoyable night said to the wife could we go see the RHCP she didn't know what the fcuk i wa son about they sat opposites attract i don't think so