Found out on this Saturday just gone ,that a nephew on my wife,s side who attended our wedding ceremony 18 years ago went and committed suicide aged 34 , mainly over problems in his relationship with various women and various siblings but he thought the situation bad enough to take is own life.

when i look at a situation like that and i think to myself even if i hit rock bottom then things can only get better i certainly wouldn't have the guts bottle or nerves to end it all no doubt things must have been going round his head which only made sense to him and the only way out was death....

Puts my problems in prospective and makes me want to try harder and value the things i have close and dear to me loving my wife might not be possible and how hard do i try to make everything ok when we both really know in our hearts that's its never going to be that good anymore , but the kids and rest of the family and friends will still be there hopefully for us both.

I love my music enjoy reading the books i have read and looking forward the ones i want to read , i like the simple things like eating and drinking the food i like walking in the woods with clear blue sky cloudless sky with Bandit my Jack Russell and my I-pod.

Autumn and winter and Christmas just around the corner its a happy time maybe and festive spirits of course for some of us will see a new 2008 but not for one it ain't going to happen.

No matter what i do or where i end up , on my own or with Helen or even here for the time being its better than being dead, he felt unloved , we all get upset pissed off but got to look at all the good things going on , someone committing suicide does make you stand back and look at your life , and if you are not truly happy with what you have got then what changes you can make to improve my life and happiness and the way you live , maybe on my own doing my own thing wont be too bad some of the time i know it wont be plain sailing and time will tell watch this space. Deep down in my heart of hearts and what my thoughts are and who they concern i know what i truly want all i can do is go for gold and fingers crossed.