Yesterday was still along day and i did bat out work till nine o clock , i had a few text off Ellie during the day and early evening , one to say she had bought me a Danish pastry from Ainsley's for tea. i than got another one saying she was cooking me shepherds pie and Yorkshire puddings for tea , and another one saying she loved me.

i phoned my Son to see how he was getting on i explained that it was hard seeing him when i worked till nine every night and worked weekends i told him i loved him that i missed him lots

when i did get home just before nine i let myself in i heard snowpatrol "you could be happy" which was playing on the computer upstairs,i found out she was in the bath i walked into the bathroom and she asked me to join her so i undressed and got in the bath the water was cold needless to say we made some waves and a few extra bubbles , ii occurred to me and i did ask her if this was her way of saying goodbye she looked shocked and upset and reassured me it no it wasn't and that she loved me , which i don't doubt that she does... i have never doubted her love for me.
she put her new pj,s on with her new pink playboy slippers she had bought that day, she did look cute and sexy.

We went downstairs to eat the shepherds pie she had cooked , i asked her again if she was leaving me and the house that we share and she told me no she wasn't but that she does get upset and tearful every time that she See's her son and then as to leave him .

we finished tea and cuddled up on the settee and both fell asleep.Woke up and went to bed had a cuddle and a chat then went to sleep .

This morning she got up with me put the rest of the shepherds pie into a Tupperware container made some fresh gravy and packed it up for my lunch at work.......we kissed our goodbyes and she told me she see me tonight then she told me that she was going to the front room to wave me off to work which she did.

Yesterday checked my lottery numbers for Wednesday and found out that of the three lines i had done i had won a tenner.

Helen is upset again her twelve old son has been crying and asking her to go back , she text me which i hate and told me she was confused and upset and although she does love me she is unsure what to do regarding going back home.
she text she would talk to me tonight and sort it out after i finished work at nine o clock which was thirteen hours away and that she wouldn't do anything in haste but how can i carry on working and wait that long not knowing .

So i left work and returned to the house to see her face to face i told her that i did understand it is not easy
we cried and hugged and kissed , and i asked her if she truly loved me she said yes that she did..... i then said if you do then you cant leave me and we have to work it out , we have a spare bedroom if her son wants to , or she needs him close buy he can sleep over we live a few miles from where she used to live its a ten minute drive i don't think her going back home for the sake of her son is a solution and will make her life any more happier.

Deep down i feel for her and i do understand her pain and anguish , i have children too but one day they will all grow up and flee the nest... where then will that leave her..............if she goes back home what then do we still see each other , keep in contact or sever all ties with each other. If that was the case it be easier for me if she was dead i cant accept anything else , i could and would have to accept that and get on with my life as sad as it would be but to leave me when i know she loves me i would never get my head round .............crazy i know but i love this woman so much it hurts i feel my heart is being split in two and torn apart ......... but then her leaving me and moving out and her going back home when she says she loves me and that she will always love me and she is crying real tears whilst saying this, i will never get over ......... and i would always think that there was a chance we would get back together and i would have no choice but to wait , with Helen gone my life would change once again forever it would have very little or no meaning wot so ever .......................

Was a long tedious day yesterday my first day back at work after the Easter break , and i hated it ever second of every hour drag and each and every hour seemed like a day..... then i had to go to my 5 till 9 job at the Hospital which to be fair went quicker than the rest of the day i work alone and unsupervised i get on with the job have numerous cups of coffee and if i get done for twenty to nine i leave which most nights mean i am home for just after nine o clock which gives me around three hours before bed time to have tea a shower and chill out with Ellie.



Sick of doing the lottery have not even won a tenner for ages i cant not remember the last time i won which considering i do 6 lines a week is not bloody on is it.......... especially when i am convinced i will win enough one day to pay for a house out right , must keep the faith i guess and never stop believing for i out of all people should that know dreams do come true.

Wednesday
We had breakfast at Morrison's at the kirstall store only because we did not have any eggs in the fridge and not because she cant cook wont cook (only joking Helen) then after wards in the afternoon both of us sorted the garden out the back between us we cut all the plants and twiggy things pulled up anything that looked dead cleared up all the dead heads and leaves its a good job Ellie knows what she is doing as i am clueless.
then after instructions from the boss i planted some bulb's shrubs and some other flowers and generally got it looking some what half decent.

Thursday
Went over to Meadow hall Sheffield bought a metal key holder designed in the shape of a wrought iron key,went to a shop called second hand rose bought some other bits and pieces and then on to Aberford pine bought a chicken door stop

Good Friday

bought a Netherlands dwarf rabbit that is crossed with a lion head rabbit for Ellie instead of a Easter egg less calories , its cute warm and and ever so cuddly and so is the rabbit.Also we got it a two tier cage which must equate to a rabbit mansion and all the feeding stuff and salt licks wooden chews and straw and shavings plus food a water bottle and everything else a rabbit could wish for, it settled in straight away and is living in the conservatory at the moment due to the cold snowy weather we have been having recently we have had it in the living room and it settles close to Helen's face and cuddles up.

Saturday

Helen didn't go to work she work up in lots pain so i went alone ,i finished at one o clock then went back to the house and picked Helen up and we drove over to Skipton visited the market place where we bought a nice wooden fruit bowl and a couple of wooden candle sticks with candles had fish and chips at Bizzizs fish restaurant then headed home. on the way stopped at Adel to visit st john the baptist church a little church where Helen used to play in when she was a little girl not the five foot one that she is now this is when she was even smaller about thirty two years ago.When she moved from the area she has never been back to visit the church until today even though she as asked a few people when driving pass to hunt down the little church to see if it still was how she had pictured it all them years ago.

Monday

drove over to York used the park and ride at the designer outlet then caught the bus in to York city centre went to GBK for dinner had a Greek burger Ellie just for a change had the chicken burger with mayo and a cup of tea.was snowing on and off then it came sunny then rain then snow again

called into the designer outlet after the bus dropped us of back there i bought some new trainers a brown leather belt and a Rockport t-shirt .

driving back home stopped at the Roundhay fox for a drink then headed home.

Tuesday

went to Country Baskets bought some black and cream kitchen wear pots for sugar, butter and cream and some matching egg cups ,Helen got a dolls house which she as always wanted a house when she was younger but had to make do with one made out of cardboard which was featured on Blue Peter ,also bought some furniture to put in its empty rooms which is a bit like real life for the both of us at the moment and the fact that we making our own home together and doing very nicely half the fun in starting new everything done in stages and it does take time we are getting there and i am loving every minute .

We also went to piece hall at Halifax, loads of the shops are vacant and empty we did have a nice breakfast black pudding included at the Cappuccino cafe , i had Ellie's she hates the stuff.

spoilt by me having to go to my hospital shift when the last thing i wanted to do never mind it pays the bills .

Today

paid £1300 off my virgin credit card bill with money from the endowment we cashed in and also paid £1100 to clear the joint over draught my x is paying a equal amount as well then the joint account will be no longer i will have my name removed off it and she can keep it as her account in her name only looking at getting virgin broadband for a tenner a month keep getting Gregg a sales rep from virgin phoning me up after i filled a online application form in i never sent it or submitted it so how they got my details i don't know ,but they was aware i filled out a online application form even though i didn't click the send button they still had my details scary or wot they thought my PC had crashed before i had chance to hit the send /submit button big bro watching or wot.........

Working away last at and at around 7.40 got a text of Ellie she was on her way down to casualty because of the pain she was feeling in her breast was getting too much for her to bear . I packed in work and headed over to casualty , she was already there with her parents who i had meet for the first time the day before when they had called to the house , she was in and out in just over a hour and half , she was assessed and examined and she does have a lump the size of a pea she was prescribed some pain killers and antibiotics.

She went to her GP'S this morning and he is referring her to a breast clinic the lump is soft and not hard.
The doctor named what she had but she couldn't remember the long name he reeled off at her she text me " something in short a mouse" ? not sure till i see her what this means but the diagnosis might be something other than what we don't want it to be , so fingers crossed hopefully we will find out over the next few weeks what is going on .

Got to go to the rental company LS1 and hand the keys back to the apartment and explain that i have now moved out and no one is living there ,i don't know what is going to kick off and what monies they want will have to wait and see , some how don't think they are going to be too happy .

Finally got the cheque for cashing the endowment policy four thousand five hundred and fifty one pounds after all the hassle of signing letters returning documents etc etc Will go to the bank and get it deposited.

Work at the hospital with Helen this weekend on separate wards on different floors but we meet up on breaks and corridors and stuff Helen (Ellie) she took herself of and went to the breast ward after her morning break on Sunday to get examined by one of the nurse's she also did find a lump too in exactly the same place Ellie had she discovered some other lumps , they have told her to go see her G.P she has an appointment to go this Tuesday of cause she is nervous and scared , but i am with her all the way to look after her and take care of her , nurse her , cuddle her what ever she needs at what ever time and i wouldn't dream of doing anything else.
I love this women so much she is my world i will never desert her no matter what , my gut feeling tells me that is there is no need to panic the news will be good and she will be given the all clear.

meet her parents for the first time her mother and father brought up to the house the pine plate rack and four oak chairs Ellie had bought from wheatfield's hopefully i made a good impression on them both they both stayed for coffee then left.
Ellie and me then Went to over to 6 acres carvery restaurant for Sunday lunch evening meal we both pigged had both of us had deserts of strawberry cheese cake with ice cream for Ellie and banoffe pie with pouring cream for me , went home to chill out both fell asleep went to bed had a cuddle went to sleep end of another weekend.


Break up this Tuesday got Wednesday off but work Wednesday night 9 - 5 shift and its the same on Thursday although i have got good Friday off all day then i work the weekend with Ellie on a 7 -3 shift but have got bank holiday Monday off all day and then i have Tuesday off but work my 9 - 5 shift then its back to normal .

Then i should in April get my new Holiday entitlement from both jobs YIPPEE !

Ellie is being stubborn and irresponsible because she wont go to the doctors and i don't know what to do or how far to push to make her go. She as found what she thinks is a lump in her left breast and also its been sore over the last week or so. The first time she mentioned it to me was last night.This morning when we woke she said she was fine and it was soft again and less sore than it was , but i could see she was telling me what she thought i wanted to hear.
She hopefully knows , but if she don't , i will make sure she does that i do love her regardless , and i will care for her look after her regardless through thick and thing in sickness and in health she is my world and i wont ever stop loving her.
ignorance is not bliss when it comes to something like this .

Regarding the conservatory furniture its way too big to fit in the little conservatory that we have and they wont split it down so instead we are getting a plate rack for the dresser we have and four pine chairs which Ellie will paint white shabby chic style for the dining room .

My Daughter text me last night to tell me that she had just had her first driving lesson , i remember bringing her home from the hospital when she was born in a car set we had just bought , scary how life goes so quickly.
Bought Ellie some garden hedge shears , a trowel and a fork for the gardening , she bought a hanging basket and some plants the other day so i thought it would be a nice idea to get her some new tools seeing all the ones that she had would have been left at her house when she moved out.
This Saturday her father is bringing the patio furniture up to the house , she has just finished paying for it he will bring using his trailer and car ,he is also bringing a cast iron log burner for the garden which i belived he made he is oding this whilst we are both at work.

Reversed into next doors mini last night when i got home i hit it with my tow bar and smashed a light cover set into the bumper i told the woman this morning when i got up she was just returning and getting out of her car as i was getting into mine , she had no idea but i thought better be honest and mention the fact don't want to isolate the neighbours

We work up with out any electricity with the storms and wind must be a problem at the substation so no lights no hot water no radiators and no pump therefore system at a standstill.

Ellie went to Wheatfield's Hospice ( above picture) and has bought some conservatory furniture and two Carver chairs which she is then going to paint white they are hopefully getting delivered this Thursday the wicker furniture is £75 for a settee table chairs all the money funds the cancer patients stay and are there own belongings which the donate for sale to fund the unit so they get there last few weeks or months being cared for and having some quality of life before they sadly pass away . She also bought two crystal bowls a coaster stand and a small wooden bowl. For all of you want to check out what goes on at the hospice what they are about then here's a link http://www.suerydercare.org/wheatfieldshospice/or or if you want to make make a donation
http://www.suerydercare.org/getinvolved/donation.asp#Donate_Online thank you.

This is the bridge i use to meet Ellie on most every dinner time now that we have moved , it wont be that often i can meet her here.We use to meet at twelve she would come by bus and i would walk from work sneaking out five ten minutes early so i would be on time then we would go to the Aire bar for half a lager and lime for her and a bottle of magners for me.

Afterwards i would go back to work and she would get the bus back home , rain or shine she would turn up happy to see me and she use to meet me every day just for one hour and sometimes it would be for less.

My x-wife i knew for 18 years and she always had a car never came to meet me or take me out for dinner once in all the time we was together, then people asked me why marriage was no more and why i left, i think its something to do with wanting to see someone so much and going that extra yard and giving 100% and then someone on the opposite scale doing nothing and taking everything for granted and giving 10% ,it was no choice i fell in love with a girl woman like i had never known before know we are together i wont ever stop giving 110% we have both giving up everything to be together and its working we are happy and contented and slowly day by day building a home.

The next thing is a rabbit hutch and a lion head rabbit to go in it lot less bother than a dog and it wont need walking and is a vegetarian so no smelly dog meat seen a hutch and run at Argos costs £99.99 not sure where we can get the rabbit from will check out online .

Ellie started cleaning the bathroom don't think its ever been cleaned as good as it was yesterday it took her the best part of 6 hours to do everything including walls and ceilings i got home and put the wooden slated blind up she bought last week. she bought some white wicker drawers from Argos by the three drawer and get the two drawer set free.

She also ordered a 37" Samsung black TV that could take up to thirty five days to deliver it to our home address.

Trying to change the mortgage payments so instead of paying IT on the 16th of each month i want to pay it when i get my monthly wage from the NHS on the last Friday every of every month , my rent comes out on the 16th which is £665 the mortgage i pay is £450 which leaves me short of cash for two weeks hopefully i can sort this minor problem out .

Had another letter to send to Endowment express to agree to a lesser amount our endowment was a home builder endowment which is a few hundred pounds less than the original offer i am that feed up i just signed to agree and hopefully the cheque will be sent in the next seven to ten days watch this space.

Finished work Saturday with Ellie shot over to Ikea to take some photo frames back which where the wrong size.

stopped back on the way to Tulip retail park and bought a new fish tank to replace the one i broke when we moved from the flat.The fish love it it has a light and pump so it should keep the water cleaner longer and well oxygenated.

Fixed the pan rack to the kitchen ceiling and its stayed up , need to fix a blind in the bathroom got the hot water sorted out but if you turn the tap on full it stops running hot and goes cold. jumped in to the corner bath With Ellie neither of us had to have the tap end hehe they are in the middle of the bath , lighted some candles and only thing missing was soft music and a bottle of sparkling Cava i really don't like champagne will have to sort that out for next time.

All the rooms are getting there now Ellie brought some garden stuff over some ornaments and wind chimes stone mushrooms and birdbath wrought iron heron and dog a parasol.

things to buy drawers for our bedroom a new rug for the living room some white basket type drawers for the bathroom some string lights for the bedroom and conservatory

Already got the water rates bill for the year and a tv reminder that i need to get a license and seeing that we are looking at Samsung 37" LCD TV might be a good idea that i buy one asp.

still not on the Internet but hopefully that is being sorted out in the next few days , might have to buy a tumbler dryer the one that comes with the house is broken at least they are not that dear and we all need dry clothes.

Ellie went out yesterday and bought more stuff for the house she got a new toilet seat wasn't happy using the old one , a another Glass vase for the twigs and lights we have two lots , a wooden slated blind for the bathroom the one already up was dirty and it fell down when it was operated .
Some prints for the kitchen walls , a white circular wicker basket for the toilet rolls and a white wicker waste basket also for the bathroom , a metal ornate lamp for the pine dresser which is in kitchen and a cream and black circular porcelain Victorian ceramic bread bin.
finished work was home just after nine and was served pancakes and home made stew with dumplings that girl is a star.
Went back to Asda to take her DAB radio it wasn't tuning in properly got it exchanged for a new one which seems fine .

The most amazing woman in the world to me is Ellie she keeps on getting better an better and i love the girl to bits.
She slaved away at getting the house cleaned organized and things put away,as well as cooking washing and ironing , she does have great taste when it comes to interior design and style nothing is been too much time and effort for her and she is a star and is well appreciated.
Also she is a great cook has a lovely smile is always laughing and joking about she never gets down and i have to say the last three months have been the happiest i have been in ages. I'am looking forward to summer time to barbeque's bike riding by the canal and being with the one i love i have got a few days off at Easter will use it to chill out with the woman i love.

today she is doing the bathroom putting the nets up in the conservatory and cleaning the windows and sorting out the bit of the garden at the front the house , but if i got home and she had done nothing then i wouldn't complain one bit .
I dreamt about this woman for six years before we got together the reality is a lot better than the dream and the dreams and fantasies where out of this world.

Finished work at nine drove back to Rodley fixed the draw front on the tv stand then we went shopping at Asda bought a new vacum cleaner dustpan and brush mop two new tefal pans lampshades bulbs washing line and pegs then spent over £120 on food.
Ellie had spent most of the day going up and down stairs her legs are not used to it after living in the apartment for three months and living on the one level her muscles need to adjust no doubt they soon will.
Today she is going to clean the house from top to bottom don't know if she will do it all in one day but she does get on with it and its amazing how much a women on a mission can get completed.
Found out my son who stills lives with my ex wife as bought a air pistol and a rat catcher air rifle and told me he had been shooting it out in the back garden when i told him to be careful that someone does not report him to the police as he is fifteen years old and it would have grave consequences if he was to get caught, he kicked off with me telling me that i always having a go with him when i phoned him last week and spoke to him he told me he had bought a twin edged battle sword of eBay ,now it seems anything he asks for or wants he now gets , and i am not impressed , my wife use to say no way is any son of mine having a air gun and was total anti knifes weapons guns , now he as a powerful air rifle hopefully no accidents will occur fingers crossed.

Monday finished work at 11.15am at the house helper Ellie unpack and sort the stuff out tidy up all rooms and rip up all boxes and packaging took them to the bins over at the apartment and dumped them there.
went over to Ikea and bought two bedside tables a coffee table with openings for wicker boxes and a tv-stand with a drawer all to self assembly messed the drawer front up but can sort it out need some other fixings and glue.
Ellie bought some more pillows a glass stand for the twigs and lights a knife block containing four knives a set of curtains and 4 sets of nets for the conservatory a bird feeder and some curtain wire hooks and eyes.
Having trouble tuning in the tv and getting a reception although there is a few Ariel points so not sure what the problem is.
Was working till ten o clock went for fish and chips and gravy was 12-30 again before we went to bed working till nine tonight and desperately need a a long good nights sleep to refresh and get ready for working the weekend.
Still got to sort out handing the keys back for the apartment and paying the rest of the rent if i need to and over what term i can pay it back as it is i owe £1000 if they keep me to the contract i signed.
The apartment is totally empty went back yesterday and removed all the frozen food and switched the fridge off turned the heating and hot water off and it is now has it was the first day we took the keys cant say i am going to miss it at the had of the day a house in my opinion beats a one bedroom apartment hands down and another plus no more talking automated lifts.

Moved out of the apartment after we finished work on Sunday at three o clock we got everything out did it in three trips with the Laguna went over and signed the tenancy agreement at four o clock and we got the keys to the Rodley house drove back over to the apartment and finished sorting out boxes packing and moving all our belongings and others tuff at 1-30 Monday morning we had finished we had stopped of for a Indian take away at midnight which might not of been a good idea but we both had very little food to eat all day , but at midnight on Sunday night there is not loads of options for dining out KFC was shutting its doors and Mac Donald's a no no as always hate the stuff apart from the milkshakes when the milk dispenser is working.
All we need to move out of the apartment now is the frozen food which is a few carry bags at the most.

All areas of the new house at Rodley need cleaning especially the bathroom and kitchen areas and all things need to be unpacked and my computer set up hi-fi tv dvd player still need to buy a printer and we are going need two bedside cabinets and at least a couple of set of drawers , and for the bathroom a glass and black metal wrought iron stand.

which we have moved off the wall and put it more in the centre of the room it has four matching chairs a six hob Smeg gas cooker and a white Belfast sink with black granite work tops and a tiled floor.
All the floors down stairs and the two upstairs bedrooms are stripped back to the floor boards we also have two leather settees a two and three seater.will need a coffee table a new darker coloured rug.