Desperately need to sort out a Internet connection as i am picking my computer up mid next week. Just ordered online a 2 gig pen drive got photos on my PC at work i need to transfer to put on my own computer checked out Pc World too much money . i have got some dvds i need to rip and write to disc and some Cd's i have backed up need burning to disc.



finished work at nine o clock last night walked through town to the apartment picked up a ciabatta loaf from Simpson's deli along the way . Ellie had cooked a lasagne with jacket potatoes and i got to admit it was the best she also does a really nice tagliatelle with smoked ham starting to prefer Italian food to Chinese and Indian need to find a nice white wine to go with it instead of bottled lager.
Bought a book on the graffiti artist Banksy from HMV first saw his work online and i do like urban street art. Want to buy John Twelve Hawks new novel in paperback seen it in hardback but not in paperback will have to wait i guess.

Working this weekend again might do a full month there is plenty of stuff i need to buy for the flat a coat stand for the hallway a table for the pc a magazine rack CD DVD rack rugs for the side of the bed some fitted sheets pillow cases and duvet covers need some oil burners and incense sticks/cones i would like a large wooden hardwood bowl shoe rack and general storage boxes .
Also need to get a psp for gaming and films don't know if i want to get a ps3 as well or a x-box.
also tempted to get a reasonable priced laptop for round and about using wi-fi hot spots will see how the cash spans out .

the view from the ninth floor of the apartment living room not the best of views but it could be worse

kitchen also contains fridge freezer washer dryer and all other appliances did bring new plates knives and forks and bought a new frying pan.

The bedroom could do with some chest of drawers will try and get them to match if we can find out where the other ones came from .

The main living area also furnished bought a new hi-fi and a DVD player bought a few DVD discs in the sales Scarface, Casino, sliver just to name a few

Bathroom i didn't know towels cost what they do spent over £120 on towels bath rug and other bits and pieces

Another view of the kitchen stable diet pasta and smoked ham done in double cream and white wine with mushrooms and hot fresh baked bread yum yum .

all these photos taken with LG Viewty mobile phone

First day back at my full time job and access to a PC , I have been working at the Hospital on and off during the festive season.Apart from working five till nine have worked the last two weekends and will work this weekend as well.

Have settled well into the new apartment and this will our second week and so far so good no major hiccups the washing machine leaked but it was nothing major it did lift the laminate flooring but should settle back down and tighten up once its dried out.
We went down to the canal and feed the ducks on Christmas day and walked in to town it was like the Will Smith film and totally deserted not that i have been to see the film just the trailers on TV.

Had to buy a new iron and an airier also bough a new Sony CD/dab radio player with blue tooth ability was suppose to come with a free clock which they had run out so got £45 knocked off the price instead.
Need to buy a radio alarm clock i want when whats blue L.E.D instead of using the mobile , also need to buy a clock for the living area another thing we do need is some foliage in the form of a yucca and other greenage.

Sorted out a new debit card and credit card for emergency's only and have a new Panasonic Lumix 18x digital zoom camera which is waiting for me to pick up from my sisters house which is where i was living when she ordered it off QVC for me.

Need few select pieces regarding ornaments seen a very nice two foot sitting Indian god in gold for the hall way might have to go buy it if its still available once i get paid on the 16th of this month.Could also do with a shelving unit or bookcase.

Stayed in a travel lodge last night booked a double room its too bloody warm why are hotel rooms always too hot, booked in at three o clock but still had to go to work at hospital at five o clock.
I went and paid £738 which was a five hundred pound bond and half a months rent i get the keys hopefully eleven thirty this Friday.
After i finished work at nine o clock went back and met Ellie to a local kebab shop she had chicken burger and i a tray of kebab meat and chips with chili sauce how the other half lives.
The bedroom and bathroom are both spot on the room is too brightly light even with the smaller side lights on and we are both now still living out of suitcase,s and head bags but i guess some things never change but hopefully we are nearly there and by Friday we are hopefully sorted.

A view of the apartment block i will be living in for at least the next six months this is where we will be calling home.
There as been a new development will be together now before Friday my Girlfriend was living at her Mothers but for reasons she has to move out by tomorrow so i have had no choice to book a hotel for the both of us in the city centre for Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday we was moving in together Friday anyway but now we will be together three days and three nights early which suits me to a T.
cant always make plans that are set in stone loads of other facts govern are life's like ex husbands and wife's kids and pets nothing is easy but its come to a point where we both need a firm base and a place to call home.. we do love each other and this way we are going to spend our first Christmas together which if some one had told me this in August of this year which is the first time i meet her out side working at the Hospital i would have laughed my head off.

From one dinner time meeting at Asda which as lead to this is point in time and space is totally beyond believe and if you read our story as a script to a drama or play you wouldn't believe it how and it would be re writing as being too far fetched but i suppose that is life ... six years later after attending her wedding night reception it has brought us both to here and now what the future contains then watch this space ..all i know is 2008 is going to be nothing like 2007 for either of us

I have decided to take the apartment at Clarence Dock its cheaper at £525 a month, and the first month is half price so i have took out a six month lease on it.

its a one bedroom apartment with a separate bedroom and bathroom the kitchen is bigger then the Bridgewater place and is part of the living room dining room its on the ninth floor but its lacking a balcony but does have patio doors that open inwards and i move in next Friday at noon.
cant believe it is then Christmas the following Tuesday , i have no Christmas tree and no Turkey ordered need to buy everything from new duvets and sheets to cleaning products and bathroom essentials etc.

cashing in a endowment policy selling it on my share will be five thousand going to pair dozen pair of jeans and a decent overcoat a decent leather jacket that should last me years as wont have loads of extra cash for clothes got to get stuff when i have some money.

also need to get a camera opting for for a samsung nv15 also need a DVD player that will play mp3s and a CD player for the bedroom, other then that once i get my shuttle pc from my ex home i should be sorted not sure if i am going to get a games console will wait and see.

so fingers crossed next weekend will be the start of a new era my girlfriend whom as giving everything up as well to be with me will be moving in with me hopefully for a long lasting loving relationship we have both given up everything so it must work ts took us six years to get us to here and now .

Started working back at the Hospital working 17:00 till 21:00 Monday to Friday. Getting up at 6:00 am each morning still sleeping on the Z-bed and not getting home again till 22:00 which makes for a long day,by the time i have showered and feed my self its sleep and work but it is freedom and i know it will get better when i have my own place but at least my weekends are still free and i am madly in love with my girl.



we are going to view another apartment today at Clarence Dock still got the option of moving into Bridgewater Place but needs might make me take somewhere sooner need a place asp really i think the rent will be cheaper and i have been told the first month is free so might go for it will viewing at two and will see what is on offer.



at the moment i am living out of three Head bags and keep adding to my possession's so far Ii have bought two new pairs of jeans, a overcoat, casual jacket, 6 new easy iron shirts, a pair of trousers, 3 black t - shirts, 3 white t-shirts, and two polo shirts numerous pairs of underpants and socks and one pair of trainers in black and a belt, i am at this rate going to need to buy another head bag or two if i don't get a place of my own soon.



all correspondence to my wife has been via text and e,mail have not spoke to her or seen her in person which is weird i understand she is pissed of with me but she has kept the house i am paying the mortgage each and every month also she kept the car which is only one year old she is keeping all the furniture and everything else the house ,it is exactly the same when i lived there other than my clothes are not there and i am not there.



all i plan in the future on taking from the house is a few books, CD,s DVD,s and my computer but only when i get a place of my own.



i cant help that i don't love her anymore i have not cheated on her in the physical sense in 18 years of marriage the restrictions she placed on me in the end was too much and i thought for the last few years i would be better on my own and a lot happier life is too short to be sad and down so i went for it , happiness over money i wont starve and there is not much i need to be contented.

alot has happened since my last blog,my future babe Helen as left her husband and is living at her parents.i have an apartment to move into in the new year between the 4th and 10th of Jan 2008 AT Bridgewater Leeds £580 a month expensive but not going to slum it its totally fitted out white white appliances plus a leather four seater settee and leather bed mirrored sliding doors wardrobes power shower and laminated floors and a most of all a balcony and for some reason that sold it for me i have got a mental picture of sitting out in summer with a laptop and a bottle of magners and chillin watching the world go by roll on next year and i can start getting things back to normal asp

moved out of the family home again tried to sort my feelings out but it just want happening i dont love my wife i cant stand to be close to her hold her hand her voice irratates me i think she knows how i feel its hard not to notice the changes that have occured .

so i moved back into my Sisters for the time being should have stayed living there the first time round and not gone back home and would have been sorted by now.

i am in the down stairs back room on a z-bed and i am happy.took my clothes i pod books and some dvds but no pc as of yet typing this out at work all i want is to be happy with a certain stunning girl called H

There is a Marks and Spencers just food outlet near where iam living and i keep buying their tinned currys and nan breads which are quite dear there is a new tesco opening up near where i work the sooner the better.

went back to Primark stocked up on black,white t-shirts and socks and underpants again.

lost my camera in the process so took a O2 contract out for a LG viewty it was costing me a small fortune on pay as you go at least £10 every five days, so it made sense the camera is good enough for now but dosnt compensate for a proper Lumix Panasonic that i had and lost.

went to York stayed over Saturday night at a B&B £70 for a double room. Great fun with the market and local pubs and bars and being there with the one i love , this girl dosnt know just what she means and does to me she is my whole life i love her so much i dont want her ever to leave me she is the best thing in my world ........

its great not working weekends anymore but it is causing me heart ache i cant see or bump into a certain person and its hurting bad .we went over to York on Saturday with my wife used the park and ride a great invention every one should have one don't think Leeds have one till its nearer Christmas time.
went down to the river and headed for the nearest Starbucks for a caffeine fix been a while since i have had a white chocolate mocha everwhere i went i and women i saw reminded me of H its amasing how many blonde hair women there is in the world even in York .Wifey ended up buying a black leather jacket form Lakeland should fasten at the back lol it was reduced and a great bargain will last years unless she gets it pinched like the last leather jacket she owned , it could last longer then me lol .I settled for the new Jean Paul Gaulttier aftershave Fleur its my birthday soon so i would like a 8 gig i-pod nano in black and case might be lucky and get some birthday cash i have saved £30 out of my dinner money i take to work every day so should be sorted. now i am not seeing a certain person i need something to cheer me up suicide did cross my mind o/j might end up dying of a broken hear t

In York saw a clown a Johnny Depp look a like from pirates of the Caribbean and a fiddler with a devil puppet as well as the minister wanted better close ups of the gargoyles only to discover when i down loaded them to my PC i had the camera settings to low quality and low pixel setting good old eBay took some photos for my wife's listings and i forgot to alter the settings back to highest so pics want that good mind you that might be how its going atm not fully foucused on what iam doing it is hard nothing seems to be important any more i cant think off anything other than what have i done what i have given up why did i not give it longer i was more happy then i have ever been.

Anyway its an excuse to go back for the Christmas lights might even be with her but cant count on it want to take a certain person but its not likely but stranger things have happened .
After walking round checking out the market place and some food from the foreign food market ended up at Cafe Nero for more caffeine in my opinion no where as good as starbucks but better than Pret a manger should have had a double JD in it might have cheered me up and warmed up a brokern heart thats not beating like it should

Packed working in the weekends which i have been doing for near on eight bloody years no more enough is enough.Finally got my weekends back to read walk my dog and visit places hopefully this Saturday going over to York walk by the river go to the shambles and take some photos and hopefully get a white chocolate mocha at the local based Starbucks.It has been a while since i have been to York and i bet the old place ain't changed that much .i can now catch up on reading chillin ,walking and going to computer fairs and car boot sales not necessarily with the wife though hehe visit places throughout the region going to country pubs and sleep in on a Saturday and Sunday i will hear the church bells each Sunday morning wont have to de-ice the car unless its for pleasure i can go to the canal and watch the changing seasons i do love autumn and venture into town for a Sunday pint with my wife not that will happen that often maybe once or twice till she has enough

i want to start reading the new John Twelve Hawks novel which follows on from the Traveler which is called Dark River is first novel for anyone who as not read it yet buy lend it steal it its that good Dark River atm i think its only available in hardback copy which i wont buy they always seem to read different when they are in hard back rather than paperback and cost more.

Its my birthday next week and toying with the idea of getting a new generation i-pod , i would love the classic but might settle for the 8gig nano in matt black be nice to have 80 gig though got to admit what puts me off when it dies its more expense then forking out for just a nano and i suppose you can be spoilt for choice on the other hand i have enough music to fill a eighty gig h/d.

got to start planning Christmas its going to be here asp for the last ten years on Christmas day we have had curry and Indian food for the reason its easy buy different starters main dishes nans and bahjees and rices and through it all in the oven and its ready in thirty mins had a few beers so everyone is up for spicy food kids been eating sweets and chocolates and mince pies all morning so there not too bothered about a turkey and all the trimmings and you don't waste half off Christmas cooking a bloody dinner no one is that bothered about.

Found out on this Saturday just gone ,that a nephew on my wife,s side who attended our wedding ceremony 18 years ago went and committed suicide aged 34 , mainly over problems in his relationship with various women and various siblings but he thought the situation bad enough to take is own life.

when i look at a situation like that and i think to myself even if i hit rock bottom then things can only get better i certainly wouldn't have the guts bottle or nerves to end it all no doubt things must have been going round his head which only made sense to him and the only way out was death....

Puts my problems in prospective and makes me want to try harder and value the things i have close and dear to me loving my wife might not be possible and how hard do i try to make everything ok when we both really know in our hearts that's its never going to be that good anymore , but the kids and rest of the family and friends will still be there hopefully for us both.

I love my music enjoy reading the books i have read and looking forward the ones i want to read , i like the simple things like eating and drinking the food i like walking in the woods with clear blue sky cloudless sky with Bandit my Jack Russell and my I-pod.

Autumn and winter and Christmas just around the corner its a happy time maybe and festive spirits of course for some of us will see a new 2008 but not for one it ain't going to happen.

No matter what i do or where i end up , on my own or with Helen or even here for the time being its better than being dead, he felt unloved , we all get upset pissed off but got to look at all the good things going on , someone committing suicide does make you stand back and look at your life , and if you are not truly happy with what you have got then what changes you can make to improve my life and happiness and the way you live , maybe on my own doing my own thing wont be too bad some of the time i know it wont be plain sailing and time will tell watch this space. Deep down in my heart of hearts and what my thoughts are and who they concern i know what i truly want all i can do is go for gold and fingers crossed.

Moved out of the family home the other week and went to live at my sister's . I had enough of working seven days a week and other stuff was also getting me down.

Some of the stuff going on was my fault for not having the guts or inkling to speak out and just letting stuff carry on and carry on.
there was money issues , sex issues and other problems like not going out and enjoying life , not spend loads on drink and booze but going out just for a couple two nights a week not staying in and watching the box i have been spending too much time on my pc just because i find t.v mundane most of the time .
i have been reading listening to music cooking tea late anything just so i didn't have to watch tv wife my wife.

i left with a bag packed with essentials my i-pod nano mobile phone some clothes leather jackets etc.
My sister let me have the spare room i have looked at getting a city one bedroom apartment for £495 pcm which might have been my worst night mare at one stage but over the years this as been more and more appealing and has been a fantasy dream off mine for a long time i work near by and have seen all the recent developments over the years from start to finish and people move in and living in them and thought one day that will be me and as both my jobs are five minutes from the city centre no need for car or bus pass plus all them pups takeaways Indians and Chinese buffet and bars will be ideal.

i don't know what will happen concerning a certain beautiful person i know time will tell i do know one thing this is just the beginning not the end.

i went to Primark bought dozen white t-shirts 12 pairs or underpants in black and 2 dozen pairs of black socks , bought 6 easy iron shirts at £4 each took combats and jeans trainers etc with me when i first left home bought a shaving bag .went to Boots bought shower gel toothpaste razors and shaving gel deodorant and toothbrushes etc .

bought some reading material Anthony kiedis biography scar tissue stuff magazine and t3 magazine .And thus started my first day Of the first week away from home.

All I KNOW IS THAT I WANT TO BE WITH ONE PERSON MORE THAN I WANT TO BE WITH ANOTHER............. and i love this other person lots lots more than the one i have just left.
it might all go pear shape it might not last i might one day end up on my own , but that is life i have to take that risk to get to where i want to be.

my son wanted to sell his psp which he has hardly ever used since he got it at Christmas last so i gave him £40 for it .want to put DVD movies on a pain i know takes a while to convert to mpeg4 in some cases over a hour its mainly so when i am back catching and using the bus i can catch up on dvds and films i never would have had the time to watch .it has a 1 gig memory card and i can get three movies on which is ample for what i want.

we got new mattress for the king size bed not that we wore the old one out chance would be a fine thing it got delivered today we have bought the bed second hand its barely a year old but is not coming for another couple of weeks the people we are buying it from have jetted of to the states , so we have had to put it in the conservatory for the time being i am tempted to sleep on it in there on the floor with the patio doors open wide would be a bit like camping without the hassle of outdoor living its the nearest my wife would get to getting under canvas the wifey just shook her head and asked me if i had gone completely mad and she wouldn't join me .

i really just want a shag in the garden hehe i would love to but she wont anymore and i don't ask i have more chance of getting sun burnt at midnight .

I have got this girl in my head i cant get her out of my mind out she is with me constantly and in all my dreams and thoughts words and deeds and she is all my fantasies and dreams are of her these feelings and notions are not new they have been in my head for a long time , if only dreams came true,nothing wrong with wishful thinking

Been busy last few days joined a online dvd rental club "i love films" since the local Global video /dvd rental shop has shut its doors at first i thought it was just getting refurbished but it most be some refurbishment has its been shut well over a month ,as far as i know it could have gone bust anyways £9.99 a month for one disc at a time but unlimited rents is not that bad they pay the postage both ways saves going out in the rain and saves on petrol and no late rental charges so far i have had two films in a week and are waiting for the third got to get at least 2 a week for it to pay its way .

Buying some second hand pine furniture for the bedroom triple wardrobe double wardrobe 2 bedside cabinets a king size bed and a dresser was £3000 new just a year ago selling for £550 cant afford not to buy it at that price we do need a new mattress ( not that the old one got worn out, if only) so bought one this weekend for £400 and duvets bottom fitted sheets pillow case's etc of all eBay £150.

I have just got to rip out the fitted wardrobes dump everyhting we dont need , sort the clothes out we dont wear and do a bit of decorating fix a small bit of dado and skirting boards and should be good as new,and if the wife leaves me to get on with it without acting as site foreman shouldnt take that long .

Just discovered the joys of raw onions freshley chopped on beef sandwich's never ever have had any raw veg before but got to say i am hooked why has it took so long don't know just had a Greek kebab's from the market a few weeks ago with my work m8 Mick one luch time and it was filled with raw onions instead of throwing them away i just ate the lot and a new craze was born hehe the wife dont like the smell of raw onions on my breath but she stills smoke yet i dont bitch and i dont eat them every day she still smokes every day, now when shopping i throw in a couple.

Another step was made in the month of my enlightenment Led Zeppelin the band that is never really listened to them before apart from stairway to heaven a mate lent me some cd's albums physical graffiti and houses of the holy and led zeppelin 1v now i am hooked never too old for change best part of living finding out new things and tricks ....

Had yet another day off today to go see the doctor for the results from the blood test everything was ok . Not that i had any doubts better to be safe than sorry

went shopping at Tesco bought some baking potatoes and some chili and cheese which i will cook for supper tonight.Also bought some sparkling water in various flavors trying to drink at least 2x1 litre bottles a day instead of all the coffee i drink be a lot less calories as well .
also bought stuff magazine James Patterson's judge and jury in paper back edition because it dont look like we will be having a BarbieQ this weekend again .

listening to Cherry Ghosts new album "thirst for romance" which aint that bad track 10 "mary on the mend" is my favorite track.

Might call in at NEXT tomorrow its the start of a sale and see if i can get some combats and need another couple of shirts for work thin blue denim if i can the wife hates denim shirts hehe .

Been having heart flutters for a few days no doubt too many tins of curry and urinating small amount of blood wife kicking me in the kidneys didn't help o/j , so i took off and went to the doctors she assured me they are not linked and the blood might be something or nothing and it did seem to be clear just before i went typical its like having tooth ache as soon as you go to the dentist it disappears, just bad timing all illnesses at once , got some antibiotics for the water infection and did a ECG which read as it should , so some blood tests where done which i am waiting for the results from this was on Friday.Had to shave parts of my chest to get the electros to stick now i am itching like a dog with fleas least i get a seat on the bus all to my self .

Saturday went to Temple Newsham for opera in the park it was OK i enjoyed it all though there was no beer tent not gone to the chemist yet for the antibiotics and it did not rain which was a big plus
and getting out took all of five minutes was well impressed.

Did feel a little abit out of it ,with some of the upper classes cracking open the champagne to go with their strawberries when all i wanted was a bottle or two of magners and some dry roasted suppose its the yob in me could have done with some ear plugs part of it was not to my tatse

in the end i got a complete new shuttle xpc base unit they reckon they was a fault with the motherboard as well as the psu and graphics touch wood this one will last longer than seven months.

its amazing how long it takes to get everything back to normal once it was all reformatted all the program's and devices cameras printers wireless router/modem as well all of my music i had backed up on to dvd put instead of writing it to disc as a data file i did it as mp3,s so all the album art work covers i had to sort back out once the music was back on the hard drive.

wifey is not going to be seeing me for a while got stuff to rip and burn and some serious surfing to do not to mention updating everything bet its not long before she kicks off on one wont push it too much or the pc will end up out of the window hehe

its now on the external drive.anyways things are looking good could do with a usb hub but Curry's and Pc World want up to £27.00 having a laugh or wot will hunt one down on eBay .

finally got a call from CCL telling me that they was running final tests on the Shuttle and if everything was OK i could pick it up the following day this was on Wednesday last week.

As it happened i had booked the Thursday and Friday off as flexi.

Got to CCL just after nine o clock they was already three people queing finally i got to the front of the queue and the shuttle was return to me first thing missing was my windows license certificate for windows o/s they issued me a new one they told me it was not the power supply unit but a graphic card problem , they had not reinstalled Windows either no prob at least i had my machine back.

I put it in the boot of the car then went back to the trade counter and bought a coolermaster h/d enclosure a Seagate Barracuda hard drive and a external hp dvd/lightscribe burner all for £95 then set off back to Leeds.

Got home set the machine back up reinstalled Windows reinstalled and all software for my camera canon printer, modem scanner, i-tunes and Winamp Nero my Antivirus programme, crap cleaner Spybot , Ad-aware etc etc downloaded all update which which 83 in total reloaded my music collection and covers loads photographs and many other documents.

That's not including the new Lightscribe drive and the external hard drive which is to make up and install.

when i finally called it a day after numerous cups of coffee and headache tabs i went to power down and when it finished shutting down after installing all of the updates the fans inside the machine kept on running and running not a very good sign the only way was to unplug the machine or use the power on/off switch on the very back of the machine guess what its going back to CCL in the morning so much for bench testing it

Still not got my shuttle pc back from CCL its hard work getting through on the phone did speak to someone last week and they told me the psu was knackered but if they wanted a new part they would have to order one they do sell 250 watt shuttle power supply units but the one that came with the shuttle in it barebone form was had a 400 watt output ,
I did take it in on the 2nd of June and i am getting the feeling that am being neglected i do hope that it is sorted this week i have Thursday and Friday off and would like it back before the end of this week hopefully going to buy a coolermaster hard drive enclosure and a seagate h/d when i pick the pc up.

Have been listening to Jeff Buckley Grace The Editors "an end as a start" and Nickelback "all the right reasons" and "silver side up" and "silence is easy" by Starsailor i do need some new earbuds for my i-pod nano not going to fork out best part of thirty quid to get some apple ones i like the gummy ones JVC do which are available from Currys and Hmv for around £7.99.

Bought some Oral B tooth brushes for my rechargeable tooth brush on Ebay and they did not arrive after three weeks of waiting and sending a dispute via the peps from Ebay so i bought some from Boots this Saturday as soon as i got in from work my wife said to me good news your tooth brushes have arrived from ebay at long last at least now i don't have a reason not to have clean teeth for the next 16 months as i have two packs of four brushes oops .

watched the concert for Princess Diana yesterday live from Wembley it rocked my afternoon and my night happy birthday Di where ever you may be